Hell Bent for Leather
by CircleOne
Summary: Los Angeles, 1976. If you thought you were too good for him, and you ended up being bad for each other, what would you do? Rated M for Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n Roll. AH. VERY OOC.
1. Chapter 1

Hell Bent for Leather

BPOV

I sat outside the airport sweating, sweltering and gasping for air, her hot leather sticking to the bare skin of my thighs. It felt better than dirty sex in the sanctimonious fluffy clouds of heaven to have my baby back in my hands, but fuck me, I hated this God damned LA heat.

She purred beneath me, writhing at my slightest touch, and even through my annoyance at the forsaken weather, her subtle sounds and gentle, vibrating touch brought a smile to my ruby lips.

"That's right, baby," I said, stroking her gently, "Mama's home. Now make Mama happy and let her hear those sounds she loves so much."

With a feather light graze to her most sensitive part, she purred again and bucked under my thighs. "I've missed ya baby." I said, almost giddy in my longing for her. I shifted my hand, gave her another quick stroke in the one place she liked so much and without hesitation, her engine roared to life and Betty and I were flying down the streets of LA., headed for home.

We pulled into the driveway of my modest little home, and as I always did, mentally thanked the beautiful God who had bought her for me.

"_Hey, when I'm around, I need a cozy place to lay my head and someone warm to share my bed," _he had sing-songed to me, upon presenting me with my little piece of heaven that most people would call a small house.

"_Thank you, David"._ I had girlishly cooed at him, because he liked it when I played the meek little girl act.

It was his thing.

They all had a thing.

_But mostly, they all liked to buy you things, right Bells?_ I smirked to myself before getting of my car, a thoughtful present from Lou. It had been so sweet of him to remember how much I loved muscle cars.

I ran my fingers across her sleek body as I closed the door and bent to give her a gentle kiss. "It's good to be home, Betts. I really have missed ya." I whispered softly to her.

I gingerly wiped my lipstick mark from her shiny green paint job and gave her a sharp tap on the ass as I opened her hood to collect my bags.

Walking to my front door, I noticed a small piece of paper taped to the ebony colored door. I inched closer, hesitating, knowing on instinct what it was, but wanting to take my time to get there. I wasn't in the mood for this. Not on my first night home.

I groaned as I finally got to the door, ripping the little paper off and scowling at the scrawled message:

_Know you're home tonight, bitch. 8pm. Your ass better be there. -Em_

_How the fuck does he always know when I'm coming home? _I internally growled.

Ugh. Fine. Whatever. He knows I'll give in to him. For some stupid fucking reason, I always do.

It's never worth my time. And yet…

And yet. And yet here I am, sitting in front of my mirror, putting on my makeup, like a good little girl. Like he knew I would.

I finished my makeup and bent down to stroke James, the viciously evil, satanically possessed cat who seems to hate everyone but me, reminding myself to thank Sable for feeding him while I was gone.

Poor girl must be full of scratches. Dee Dee wouldn't be pleased. Hopefully Sable won't have the chance to make it back to New York until they heal.

I moved to my closet and started tossing clothes around, finally settling on a variation of the usual. Purple tank top, to match the purple worked into my long brown locks, always a hit with the boys, black leather miniskirt, fishnets, and my 18 hole Docs. I haphazardly pinned parts of my hair up, gave myself a quick once over, James another stroke, grabbed my stash from behind the bottle of Jameson in the cupboard, silently thanking Sable for not stealing it, sticky fingered as she was, grabbed the bottle of Jamie as well, my purse, and donning my signature leather jacket,

_Thank you, Darby_

And I was out of the house and stroking Betty as I climbed into the driver's seat. Little Jamie, lotta blow, little more Jamie and a long drag from my smoke and I was peeling out the driveway faster than an altar boy could run from a Catholic p-

Yeah, you get the joke, I'll leave that one alone.

I drove past the Whiskey and turned a corner on a small street to park. No way I was leaving Betty to rot on the Sunset Strip alone and unprotected. Bitches would love to get a taste of her, and I wasn't having any of that noise.

Got out of the car and headed to the club. I rolled my eyes at the long line of people just bursting to get through those doors. I strolled past the lot of them and to the front of the line. I tiredly rolled my eyes and inspected my fingernails before I was scooped up in an enormous bear hug by an enormous looking guy.

"I knew ya'd come, Bellsy,

_God, I hated when he called me that_

It's good to see ya again!"

"Hey Emmett," I said with a smile, trying to get my arms around the walking refrigerator that held me in his grasp._ "_Miss me, baby?" I crooned, giving up the struggle with my arms and finally resorting to a kiss on his cheek. "At least tell me they're worth it tonight, Em. The last few times you've tagged me like this, they end up sucking worse than a shark giving a blow job."

"Not tonight, Bellsy. I promise. Wait until you see him. He's like the antics of Iggy meets the slow sex of Morrison."

_Hmm… The love child of Iggy and Jim huh? Fine, I can stay to watch a song._

_A song._

"You'd better be right, Em. Or it'll be your balls."

"My balls, Bellsy? Really?" Raised eyebrow, snarky smirk. All the finesse of a bear trying to fuck a dear… or a dear trying to fuck a bear, as the case may be. "Can I get them wherever I want baby? Like in your mouth?" Low growl, trying to be sexy. I rolled my eyes and squirmed from his grasp.

"Pick up an instrument and get signed with a million dollar label, Em, and then _maybe _you'll have a chance." I quipped back, kissing his cheek again and flipping the bird to all the jealous assholes waiting outside, bitching because they had to wait in line and I didn't.

_Fuck a few rock stars,_ my mind chided them, _and then maybe you'll get some special treatment too, pathetic fucks._

Walking into a packed club like this always felt like home to me. The enticing smell of beer, booze, sweat and puke always sent my head reeling and my teeth to unconsciously bite my bottom lip in expectation.

David had his shy little lolita thing.

Lou had his saucy girl thing.

Darby had his Punk bitch thing.

The wondrous Dave Vanian had his sexy vamp thing.

I had my music thing.

…Well.. Music and money..

Ok, Music and money and fame..

But no one ever said those last two parts out loud.

At least not to my face.

They'd lose teeth. And they knew it.

I made my way over to the packed bar. There wasn't an empty seat in the house. The only other time I'd ever seen the Whiskey so packed was when Darby played. But that was just because that asshole could charm the pants off of anybody.

Including me.

And I don't do lowly barroom musicians.

_I wonder how Darby is_

My eyes dragged slowly across the bar, looking for an empty seat. There was none to be found.

No matter.

I'm Isabella Swan.

I found a tall, lithe blonde sitting at the bar alone and made my way over to her. Without even a look in her direction, my hip shot out quick as a leopard and sharp as a bee sting and before she knew what was happening, the poor girl was on the floor.

"Bitch, what the fu-"

Her voice caught in her throat when she glanced up to see who'd had the nerve, and an apologetic look finally dawned across her pretty face.

"Oh, Bella… I'm so sorry, I-uh, I didn't mean to call you-"

_That's right. Squirm, bitch, Squirm_

"Jessica, is it?" I asked, politely holding out my hand to help her up, hiding the smirk that fought to spread across my narcissistic face.

"Yeah, Jessica! That's right!" She said, jumping to her feet and smiling as if she was talking to the Dali Lama.

I flashed my most sincere fake smile and offered her a drink when the bartender stopped and handed me two shots of Jamie.

"Thanks Laurent", I smiled.

"So.." Jessica started, animated. I knew I shouldn't have pretended to be nice. "Are you here to see J.A.S.P.E.R?"


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Wow, you cats sure do know how to make a new girl feel welcome! 66 hits for my first chapter! Probably not a lot to most of y'all, but hell, it made me excited! **

**Anyway, just wanted to give a big thanks to y'all for reading and enjoying. Also a big thanks to the amazing Chicklette for pimping me out. Thanks girl! If any of you cats haven't read her stories yet, they come extremely, highly recommended by your's truly. My personal favorite being ****Get Me To You****. Read and enjoy. **

**So yeah, that be it, my lovelies. Here's Chapter numero dos. Time for some fun, darlings.**

**________________________________________________________________________**

JPOV

And then.

.. And then there was silence.

The room came to a complete standstill before my eyes, as this vision, this goddess, this, this, this _little_ _girl_ in fishnets and docs walked into the bar. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. The way she walked, with her head high, not just thinking,but _knowing _she was better than everyone else in the room. It was incredible. She was incredible. Fuck the set. I wanted to stand back here all day and just watch this chick.

And then.

And then she knocked that annoying little groupie-wannabe Jessica off the barstool. I thought I would piss myself from laughing so hard. Even from backstage where I was, I could see Jessica's fear as she recognized this chick. Awesome.

_Who the fuck is she?_

The venom dripping from her insincere smile was enough to make my pants suddenly feel a little bit tighter. Unbelievably, Jessica was completely fucking oblivious.

Ok… so maybe it's not so unbelievable.

I stood there, behind the curtain and watched. My entire being struggling with one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make:

If I don't go and break it up, there is a very, VERY slim chance that maybe Jessica could do some damage my future ex-wife over there.

If I DO go and break it up, there's a very _good _chance I'll have ruined the potential for someone's shirt to come off in the scrap.

I was about to take the high ground and break up what could be a potential disaster, when the future Mrs. Whitlock _blatantly_ dismissed Jessica. It was amazing. She simply waved the back of her hand at Jessica, as if she was shooing away a pesky rodent, and if I'm not mistaken, I think I saw her mouth the words "Be gone."

This little Chiquita had some balls man. I mean, _Be gone_?! Who the fuck says that?

This girl wasn't just a bitch, she was _the _bitch! And that final display of entitled superiority solidified my feelings that I wanted her to be _my _bitch.

"Jasper, let's go! We're on in 5 minutes. Rosie's chopping the lines, so if your ass doesn't get back here now, you'll get nothing. You know her rules." Edward called to me from further backstage.

_Fuckers_

I stalked backstage and sat down with a huff on the couch, beside Alice.

"What's your problem?" Rose asked, snarky as fucking always. There were many days I wanted to cause Rose grievous bodily harm, but being a Southern Gentleman, I refrained.

Ok, so her brute of a boyfriend could take me out, blindfolded and nodding from a hot shot of heroin, but a guy can dream, can't he?

"Nothing. Just pass the fucking lines and let's get going. I'm keyed up as it is already. I just wanna fucking play."

_With that chick at the bar._

I grabbed a 20$ from my pocket, rolled it between my fingers like a straw, bent to the table and snorted back the line Rose had cut for me. I shot back up, pinching the bridge of my nose. Within seconds, the drip hit the back of my throat and I had to swallow back the gag from the taste. I could feel the adrenaline hit my brain and suddenly I was invincible. My body flamed with energy.

Someone shouted from the distance that we had two minutes. I threw on my cowboy hat, grabbed my leather jacket and waited in the wings for the lights to dim and the applause to start.

"Let's do this."

BPOV

Could that bitch possibly be any more fucking annoying? Lucky little girl took my dismissal to heart, otherwise, she was close to becoming very fucking intimate with my brass. I slithered my hand gingerly in my coat pocket, fingers playing restlessly on the cool steel of the knuckles.

These were a thoughtful little gift from Vanian. Told me he knew the trouble I like to get into and he didn't want to risk anyone messing with his girl's pretty face.

I smiled at the memory.

_I should go see him soon._

My internal reminiscing was cut short by the lights in the bar dimming. My head turned to the stage and my eyes rolled instinctively at the sight of the typical group of wannabe "band-aids", as they liked to call themselves. Skanky bitches, wearing less clothes than an exhibitionist and more makeup than Tammy Faye Baker.

The bitch pit began screaming and clapping. I could only imagine how long it would take one of them to throw their panties on stage. 6.9 seconds was my guess.

I began to turn slowly back to the bar. Annoyed that I'd actually come to this place.

But then..

And then..

But then _he _stepped onto the stage. All leather and cowboy and blue eyes and wagging Cocaine jaw.

He moved to center stage and my body unconsciously leaned forward, urging to get closer to him. But then my conscious mind caught up to my raging body and I straightened up

_Ew_

And pulled my semi-mussed jacket straight.

The rest of the band filed on stage and a small, black haired pixie-minus-the-wings began picking softly at some bass licks. This caught my attention and my eyebrow crooked up slightly. Gotta love a song that kicks off with a bass-line.

My chest tightened as Cowboy let out a long, whining, raging wail. At the sound of it, my hand slipped to my fleshy thigh and gripped tight. The band jumped in at the close of his wail and hard, fast music filled the packed bar. It reverberated off the walls and the sea of people watching this man sing and jump and sing and writhe and sing. He bounded from one side of the stage to the next. For the second I was able to tear my eyes from him, I snorted a short, curt laugh. The head of each fish in the sea followed his every move. As I watched them, watching him, I was suddenly reminded of a Tennis match.

Another snort escaped me as from somewhere within the sea, a pair of light pink panties landed on the stage, directly in front of my cowboy. 10 to 1 says they're Jessica's.

Wait.

_My _cowboy?

THE Cowboy! _The _cowboy.

_Get a fucking grip, Bells._

I looked down to my thigh and noticed I already _had _a grip. I snarled at myself and loosened my fingers, flexing out the ache of squeezing so hard. Little half-moon shaped welts popped up on my pale skin.

_Again, Ew! Not happening Bella. He plays at the _Whiskey_!_

_Darby played the Whiskey._

_Darby is special. He doesn't count._

_Of course he doesn't._

I continued to watch him and before I knew what was happening, my body had slipped itself from the stool and sauntered languidly closer to the stage, standing on the outer edge of the left side. I looked up at him and he met my gaze, blue eyes boring into my brown ones. My breath caught in my throat as he moved closer to my side of the stage, singing at me, to me, his eyes never leaving mine.

Seems Cowboy had noticed me too.

I fought with every ounce of strength I had to break the stare and tear myself away from this mysterious cowboy, but I couldn't do it. During a quick musical break, he bent down, on my side of the stage, rocking on the balls of his feet, and reached his hand out for me. I stared like deer caught in the headlights.

_Get your shit together, Isabella. What the fuck is wrong with you?_

Part of me fought to keep my hand at my side, and run away with my proverbial tail between my legs. The other part fought to give him my hand. To feel his skin on mine. Would it be soft, rough? Would it taste sweet? Naughty images flooded my brain and the latter half of me won the struggle, slipping my hand into his.

_Fucking hormones_

He slid his thumb softly across the back of my hand before bringing it slowly to his lips, eyes still locked with mine, and placed a soft, hot kiss where his thumb had just been. He lowered my hand and gave me the sexiest, cockiest, most self-assured smirk I'd ever seen. This fucker was even better than I was!

_I want! _

My insides screamed like a child in a candy store.

_Iwantiwantiwant!_

_Down girl! You gotta regain control here before you lose yourself Bella. _

I flashed him back my sexiest keep-dreamin'-kid-cause-it-ain't-gonna-happen grin, slid my hand into the pocket of my leather jacket and walked slowly, hips shaking, back to the bar, head held high. I wasn't going to let some silly little bar rat get to me like this. I did, after all, have a reputation to uphold.

I slid back into my seat at the bar and turned toward Laurent. Without a word, he set me up another two shots of Jameson and slid a beer down bar to me. I nodded in thanks, heaved a deep sigh and flipped one of the shots down my burning throat.

It did nothing to quench my thirst.

For the rest of the set, I stared straight ahead, back to the stage, but I could feel his eyes on me. I knew he was staring. I knew he would come over to try and talk to me. I needed to figure out what I was going to do.

JPOV

God, her skin is smooth. As I helped the rest of the guys clear the stage, I could still feel her touch on my hand. My lips. I wanted to taste her. I had to find out who she was.

"Edward", I caught up to him as he left the backstage area to mingle with the fans. Which really meant to pick out the chick he would bed tonight.

"Yeah man?"

"That was our best set yet. We rocked the place!" I said enthusiastically, my eyes scanning the bar for my girl.

"Fuck yeah! It was rad! I-"

I found her. Still sitting at the bar, her back to me. Ignoring me. I smirked, cutting him off.

"Who the fuck is that?" I nodded my head towards her.

He followed my gaze and made a sound that sounded like a scoff, but I couldn't be sure over the noises of the bar.

"That-" He said, looking from her to me, "is out of your league, Jas. Ain't gonna fucking happen bud. I wouldn't even bother trying."

"Whatever." I scowled at him. Obviously he had no faith in my charms. "But who is she? She a groupie?"

"She's not _a _groupie, bro, she's _the _groupie. That is Isabella Swan." I thought I caught a hint of something that sounded like worship, in the way he said her name. "She does Bowie and Reed and Vanian, and for good measure, she'll slip a Ramone in there, maybe a little Joe Strummer or Paul Simonon. What she doesn't do, and won't ever do, bro, is a Whitlock."

"Please." I scoffed. "I don't believe that for a second. She just hasn't had herself a Whitlock yet."

"From what I hear, she's 'slummed' once and only once. Guy named Darby Crash. Know him?"

"Of him. Crazy fucker from the Germs, right?".

"That'd be him. Fell for him too, from what I hear. Two of 'em ran this city for a while. He was too fucked up though. Couldn't make heads or tails of anythin'. Way I heard it, he saved her from a life of rock star bed-hopping, melted the ice from her heart, or some shit, but she couldn't save him from the drugs. You can take the groupie outta the girl, but you can't take the junkie outta the rock star. He got her on the junk for a while too, I think. Something big happened after that, don't know the whole story. Know he took off to England though. Hasn't been back in almost 2 years." He shrugged.

So, my girl's been broken, has she? I don't know if that'll help me, or hinder me. But I'm about to find out.

I turned away from Edward and back to the bar, but she was gone. The minx had slipped away while I had my back turned. No matter. I'll find her. My tracking skills could rival those of a bloodhound.

My blue eyes scanned the crowd of people.

_I know you haven't left yet, sunshine. I can feel ya. Just gotta find ya._

_Ah, darlin', there ya are. _I spotted her near the door. Talking to-

Well, isn't that interesting. Talking to Emmett.

Her back stiffened as I got closer. Knew I was stalking up on her. She turned and gave me a swift glance over her shoulder, but I swear I could see a grin spread across her face. She turned back around, kissed Em on the cheek and then she was gone again, back into the sea of nameless faces.

What game was she playing at here?

"Jas man!" Em bellowed, clapping me on the back. "That show was badass!"

"Yeah, thanks man," I said half-heartedly, searching for her once again. "Listen, that chick you were just talkin' to-"

"Aw, Bells? Ain't she somethin' man? Fiery little vixen, that one. Dying to get my hands on her for years. She ain't havin' none a' that though."

"Yeah, bro? Why not?"

"I ain't a rock star man." He shrugged his shoulders in a gesture of defeat.

"Me either bro, but that ain't gonna stop me." I flashed him my award-winning grin and was gone again, tracking my girl.

_My _girl. Damn that sounded good.

BPOV

I could feel him all around me. Everywhere I turned, I caught his eye. He was stunning. A baby-faced, blue eyed fallen angel, with a voice of sugared paradise, and skin soft as silk.

And he was off limits.

_Fuck._

I hid in the crowd, changing places every few minutes, pretending to mingle, but really, I was hiding from him. Bella Swan, scared of a boy.

Ok, not scared _of _him, really. Scared of what I would do around him. With him. To him. For him.

I stood near the stage and caught myself looking for him. I _wanted _to be found. I was slipping, and this wasn't good. It looked like he had given up his search. He was leaning against the wall between the bar and the door with a couple of other guys. One of whom I recognized as the drummer of his band.

I could feel my resolve weakening just by looking at him. I ached for him, and I was not happy with myself.

_Fuck it._ I sighed. _He wants to play, I'll play._

I slung my purse higher on my shoulder and walked straight to where he was standing. I could feel his eyes on me again, but I wouldn't make eye contact this time. Now it was my turn to play the game. My turn to be in control. Not his.

I caught him watching me out of the corner of my eye as I passed him, so close I could smell the beautiful scent of his leather jacket, and slowly, sneakily, stealthily took my hand from my pocket and brushed just tips of my fingers against the knuckles of his hand that hung by his side. I heard his breath catch in his throat and his eyes followed me as I passed, burning a hole in my body, until I was out the door and into the cool night air, walking up the street.

Within seconds I heard the bar door open and close again and knew he was walking behind me. Not catching up, not straggling. Just matching my pace perfectly, 10 feet behind. A wry grin spread across my painted lips.

"You following me?" I breathed into the night, still refusing to turn around.

"No ma'am. Just out for an evening walk is all. Got hot in there, thought I'd get myself some fresh air." God, that drawl was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard. And he was a good boy. He knew how to play. "But, ya know," he continued, "a beautiful girl like you, walking alone in LA at this time a night, well, she might find herself in some trouble. Never know what can happen 'round here. Wouldn't want someone to harm that pretty face a' yours."

"And what? You're going to protect me, should the need arise?" I smirked, calling back to him.

I could almost feel him shrug, "Should the need arise."

"My knight in shining leather." I quipped and fell silent.

We walked in silence for what seemed like hours, but could have only been minutes. No sound but that of the passing cars and drunk punks filing out of the Whiskey for some cool air on their hot flesh.

"Where ya headed?" He asked.

"Nowhere really." I said to the empty street ahead of me.

"So you're walkin' down the Strip at one in the morning, with no real reason?"

"Oh, I have a reason." I grinned coyly, finally shooting a quick glance over my shoulder and quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Really? And what would that be, darlin'?" He sounded amused.

"I want to play a game."

"Sug', from what I've seen tonight, I had it figured we already were playing a game."

"This is a new game."

"Do tell. I'm wracked with curiosity."

I laughed out loud.

"Well, you see, there's an alley coming up here. Now, if you're really not following me, when I turn into it, you'll keep walking straight and go on about your business. But if you are following me, well, you get the idea."

"I do."

"Wanna play with me?" Flirting hard with my double entendre.

"More than you know, sunshine."

I purred a little at that, completely against my own will, and then scolded myself for such a stupid display.

We came up to the alley, "Ready?" I shot over my shoulder.

"That I am."

I turned into the alley, and kept walking. _Don't turn around, don't turn around. _But I didn't have to turn around. Not longer after I began my trek into the dark alley, I heard the distinct sounds of his boots echoing off the walls around us and surrounding me with the sound of him.

"Well, that was an interesting experiment." I smirked.

I got to the end of the alley and finally turned to him, leaning against the wall, one knee bent, my booted foot against the brick. He came upon me, his shadow swallowing me before the rest of him. He stopped with an inch between us. I could smell his leather stronger now. I closed my eyes and inhaled deep. When I re-opened them, he was leaning over me, one hand on the wall next to my head, his legs straddling my bent knee, lips hovering mine."

"Hey kitten." He breathed, towering over me. I hadn't realized he was so tall before. How blue his eyes were. How his hair curled slightly around his ears, under the cowboy hat. "Is it my turn to pick the game now?" He lowered his lips closer, still not touching me. His hand went to my bent legs, fingers barely touching my thigh. I panted and searched my head for something witty, something snarky, something bitchy to say. But nothing came.

He stepped away for a moment, and slapped at my bent knee, making my foot hit the ground with a thud that echoed around us. Coming back to me, his hands caught my back, gripping tight at my jacket at the small of my back for a minute, before sliding lower, lower, lower, until they cupped the bit of leather that covered my ass. Before I could protest, he had lifted me in the air, stepped between my legs, and held me against the brick wall with the pressure of his body. I yelped a little at the swift movement and gaped into his eyes. A slow smile spread across his full lips. "Thought you liked games, kitten. Been playing them all night with me. Tables are turned and suddenly Miss Swan got nothing' to say? Come on baby, talk to Jasper." And then..

And then he closed the gap between our mouths and literally took my breath away with his kiss. You hear love songs and see sappy movies about these kind of kisses, but you never actually believe they're real. Lemme tell you. They are.

I pushed on his shoulders and he released me, both of us gasping for air. I licked my lips and looked at him. Smug bastard had that cocky grin again.

_Ok Bells, time to get back in the game. He got one up on you, but no one wins against the Swan. Get your head straight and let's go_.

I pushed him further and made him drop me to the ground again. "Hey cowboy, you know who I am?"

"Heard of ya, yeah."

"Then you know, cowboy," dripping sarcasm, "that you haven't got a chance." I cocked my eyebrows, blew him a kiss and walked passed him, back down the alley and onto the Strip, towards the Whiskey once again. Trying to regain my composure. Wasn't working.

"Hey. Hey!" He called, behind me again.

"What?" I called back, determination to win the only thing keeping me from turning back to him.

"Leaving so soon? Thought you liked playing games. Maybe I'm not done with ya, yeah?"

"Sorry to break the news, sweets, but I make the rules around here, not you. And I say the game is over."

I could hear the smile in his voice at his next words. "Too much for ya, yeah? Couldn't handle it, now ya running away like a scared little girl?" Stopped dead in my tracks, so quickly he ran into me, caught me by the hips before he could knock me over. I slapped his hands away and turned on him.

"What did you call me?"

"Kitten, I've been calling ya lots of things tonight. Moment though, certain parts of me are callin' ya a tease."

"A tease, really?" I laughed. "I'm a tease?" _I_ didn't accost _you_ in the middle of an alley,cowboy."

"No, but you led me into that alley for a reason. Now what could that reason have been. Let's think for a moment, shall we?"

I laughed again, this guy was unbelievable. "Just wanted to see if you'd follow me."

"Yeah? And what were you expecting to happen if I did follow you? Plans didn't go that far, did they?"

Ah, the bastard had me caught. Why did I make him follow me into the alley? I fumbled for words, which pissed me off more. Not only did this guy have the ability to render me breathless, but speechless too? Not cool.

"That's what I thought." Smug fucking grin. Wish I could bite his lip.

Off! Wish I could bite his lip _off! _

_Fuck._

I stalked past him with a furious growl, heading back towards my car. I needed to get out of this place. Away from him. Do a little bump and clear my mind some.

"Now where ya going, kitten? We already played the alley game."

Fucker. I walked back to my car, my head swimming. Who the fuck is this guy? More importantly, who the fuck does he _think _he is? Reaching my beautiful, green '71 Nova felt like reaching a sanctuary. Time to gather my thoughts, get my head straight, and reassess the situation. Cowboy was getting to me, making me slip.

I slipped into her leather seat, my hands gripping at her steering wheel. I laid my head on it, and slipped one hand down into my boot, my fingers wrapping around the little orange vial that was always hidden there. Yummy, powdered goodness. I sat up straight and moved to untwist the little cap.

"Sweet ride, kitten." Amusement.

_Are you kidding me?_

I slowly turned my head to face him, and there he was, leaning against the passenger door, back to me, smoking a cigarette and looking mighty pleased with himself.

"You don't seem to grasp the concept of the word 'no', do you?"

He turned then, one arm leaning against the top of the door, his beautiful face at window level.

"Nope." Big grin.

I sighed in resignation, or was it submission? Maybe defeat.

"Get in."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Well, I guess I'm supposed to say something along the lines of "I don't own any of these cats."**

**Thanks for the love, guys. I'm really glad you're all liking it! I hope I can continue to deliver. I'll try and continue to update every two days or so, depending on life things.**

**Lemme know what y'all are thinking. Wanna see something or someone I haven't thrown in yet? Wanna seem them do something specific? Shout it out!**

**Ok, onto the story.**

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JPOV

_Get in_? _Don_'_t have to tell Jasper twice._

I opened the car door and slid in next to her. I looked at her for a minute, but she was staring straight ahead.

What is with this chick? She's been playing hot and cold with me from the moment we laid eyes on each other. Kind of made me want her even more. Kind of made me want to throw her in the backseat and listen to the sound of her naked body writhing against the leather.

We hadn't moved yet. She just continued to stare ahead, fingering an orange vial in one hand.

"What's that you got there, Chere?" nodding towards her hand. Still without looking at me, she tossed me the little vial. I rolled it over in my hands and inspected it for a moment.

"That's a nice little amount of Coke you got there Chere. Want I should-"

"Not Blow."

"What?"

"Not Blow." She said again. "It's a Speedball. Be careful with it." Her hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly, her knuckles had turned white.

"Speedball? You mean like-"

"Fucking Coke and Heroin, yes I mean like."

Before I knew what was happening, she had slammed on the gas and we were flying back down the Strip. The sudden jerk caused me to lose my grip on the vial, but I caught it again before it hit the ground.

"Gimme that." She growled at me. Like literally growled. I handed it back to her and she stuffed it down the neck of her shirt into what I can only assume was her bra. I wondered briefly if she'd let me retrieve it later.

"Where we going, kitten?" I flashed her my patented heart-melting grin. Ladies have never been able to stand that, mixed with my baby blues. This little one didn't disappoint. She turned to me with a scowl gracing her pretty face, but quickly softened her gaze, and her grip on the wheel and smiled. A little.

"My house."

She turned back to the road and for the rest of the ride we were silent. My mind reeled for something to say to her. Something to make her laugh, or give me the look that she gave me back in the alley before I kissed her. Just looking into those big eyes did things to my dick that I've never even felt from touching other chicks. Man this little girl was getting to me.

We pulled into her driveway, she cut the engine and got out of the car without a word. I followed her to the front door and then inside. She took off her boots and hung her purse on a hook by the door, I followed suit with my boots, my hat and as I was about to take off my jacket, she turned on me.

"Lose the shirt. Keep the jacket."

"Leather jackets? Well, that's one kink. Ya got any others, love?" I quirked an eyebrow, daring her, and obeyed, dropping my shirt to the floor at my feet and putting my jacket back on.

She walked over to me and the look on her face made her look more like a tiger stalking it's prey than a 5'4 little girl. She reached out her hands touched my bare torso, trailing soft touches from the waist of my jeans to my shoulders, just above my chest and I could swear I heard her purr as she did it. She leaned into me, her full lips almost touching mine. I tried to lean further into her, but she held me back.

"You'll just have to find that out for yourself, I guess, won't you?" She whispered. Hot whiskey breath on my mouth. She slid a seductive hand down the front of her own shirt, biting her bottom lip, doe-eyes looking up at me full of ecstasy. I made a move to grab for her, but she wriggled away from me with a coy grin, pulling that damned orange vial out of her shirt.

"Tease" I reiterated, breathless, and followed her to the kitchen table.

We sat and she held the vial up to me with a questioning look on her face. I nodded in assent and watched her chop lines on a tiny mirror.

"So, Chere, what's your fucking deal, anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why am I here? You've been playing these fucking games with me all night. You stare like you want me, but then you hide from me in the bar. You brush passed me like you want me to follow, but then you push me away saying I don't have a chance. You run away from me in the street, but then tell me to get in your car. You drive in complete silence, making me think you'll spring and attack me if I speak, but rub up against me when we get here. What the fuck?"

"You're here, aren't you?" She sneered hatefully at me.

"Well, yeah."

"Then leave it the fuck alone." The words came out so fast I could barely decipher them. She nodded for me to come over to her chair and hit the first line. I obliged by moving to her and pulling a hundred dollar bill from my wallet and rolling it up, offering it to her first.

Ok, so I was showing off a little bit. Give a guy a break. I wanted in this girl's pants and I was willing to do whatever I could to get in them.

She took it from my hand and snorted back the longer of the two lines, shooting back up and holding one nostril closed, sniffing hard. She handed me back the bill and I followed suit, stuffing it back in my pocket when I was done.

"I'll grab beers, why don't you go throw on some music?" She motioned to a record player in the corner of her living room. I shrugged and again, obeyed. She fetched the beers from the fridge and handed me one, planting herself on the couch while I fumbled through her record collection. I stumbled upon one, GI by the Germs, and couldn't help but test out a theory. I put the record on the player and placed the needle on the song Circle One, and watched for her reaction as the song flowed from the speakers.

_I'm Darby Crash_

_A Social Blast_

_Chaotic master._

"Turn it off." She said above the music, her eyes squeezed tight.

"What?" I called out, pretending not to hear her.

_I'm Darby Crash_

_Your Mecca's gash_

_Prophetic stature._

"Turn it off!"

"I can't hear you."

_I'm Darby CrashA one way matchDemonic flasher._

"_Change the mother fucking record now!"_

I immediately stopped the song and put the record back in it's sleeve. Grabbing desperately for another one.

_Hmm. So there was some truth to the whole story about her and this Darby guy then._

I turned to her and she sat board straight against the back of the couch, eyes shut tight.

"Are you ok?"

She was panting!

"Bella, are you ok?" I walked over to the couch, kneeling on the floor in front of her.

"Just.." she whispered, "just don't play that record again. Please." She added as an afterthought.

"Alright. Sorry chere. I didn't know" I lied.

She nodded and took a long sip of her beer. I grabbed my cigarettes from the pocket of my jacket and lit one, offering it to her. She took it and smiled up at me in thanks, patting the couch beside her. I sat down and draped an arm across her shoulders.

"You ok, chere? Can I do something for ya?"

"You can go cut me another line, cowboy." Sexy smirk. Ah, my girl was back.

"You got it baby." I left her on the couch and went to the table to cut another two lines. I heard shuffling on the couch, but paid it no mind as I lined up our next hits.

"Alright doll, come and get-" I turned and almost slammed right into her. She was standing directly behind me,

_Where the fuck did she come from?_

eyes half closed, looking at me from beneath her long lashes, wearing nothing but her leather jacket, the sides of which had been strategically placed, each side perfectly hiding what I could only assume were amazing breasts from the bit of swell I could see poking out, and exposing a long line of bare flesh from neck to waist. She had also managed, in her swift silence, to remove her fishnets and hike her skirt up until just under that little part of her body that I'd been aching to touch, feel, smell, taste from the moment I laid eyes on her in the club. I also had the mind to notice that she had kept her boots on, or rather put them back on after removing her fishnets. _Very nice._

"No, Cowboy. You come and get it." Her voice was low and rough and pure raging lust.

Like I said earlier, ya don't have to tell Jasper twice.

Apparently though, my little vixen was even more eager than I was. A low growl erupted from between my lips as I made a move to grab her, but before I could get the chance, she pushed me roughly to the chair I had just been sitting in and straddled my hips, grinding herself on my now raging hard-on.

I gently brushed away the strands of her hair that had fallen down the back of her neck, trailing my hand from her nape and twisting my fingers in her long locks. I clamped my hand down and yanked her head back, making her groan in the process and slithered my tongue from her collar bone, up her throat and chin. This made her moan again, which brought a smug smirk to my face.

"If you think that's good, Chere, you have no idea what I'm capable of." I purred into the flesh of her throat, bending her face to mine and pushing our lips together in a rough embrace. She responded by swivelling her hips and grinding on me more.

I gripped her under her luscious hips and stood, moving to the opposite end of the table and setting her down on it, keeping myself pressed tight between her thighs.

"Good boy," she mewled, pushing back from me slightly "moving away from the freshly cut drugs." She gave me a side smirk and cocked her eyebrows.

"Wouldn't wanna mess up my perfect lines, darlin'. Now come 'ere." I snarled and grabbed her again, pushing her skirt up passed her hips and taking myself a nice long look at what she had goin' on down there. I quirked an eye up at her when I saw that she was barer than a peach, licking my lips and bringing my gaze back down. "Very nice" I half whispered as my body automatically bent itself, and I was on my knees, staring her beautiful, glistening pussy straight on. She bent one knee and placed her foot on my shoulder.

_So hot_

My hand slid up her boot, moving slowing along her leg, my lips trailing wet kisses in the wake of my fingers. Tiny bit of exposed, muscular calf, ticklish knee, succulent thigh. I parted my lips almost at the crook where her thigh met her sweet spot, biting down, while my hand kept going. Prominent hip, silky soft stomach, sternum, throat. My fingers stopped here for a moment, splaying out and wrapping around her exposed neck. I grasped it quickly, letting her know I was still in control here, before my hand moved back down, sliding under the right half of her leather jacket, cupping a heaving breast.

She laid back, her body flush with the table, and I could hear her panting ever so slightly. I wanted to make her beg for it, but I knew she wouldn't. Not yet anyway. She was still harbouring her tough facade. Eventually though, she'd beg. I'd make sure of that. I pinched her nipple between my fingers, which made her gasp, just before sliding two fingers of my other hand roughly into her wetness, which made her yelp, and covering her clit with my mouth, which made her moan. I didn't think it possible for one girl to make all of those noises at once, but apparently, this little girlie was more than capable of it. And I was the one capable of making her do it. Which made me smirk.

I moved my hand on her breast back down to her thigh, giving it a sharp squeeze, digging my rough nails into her flesh. I worked my tongue in a frenzy around her clit, while my fingers simultaneously pounded into her. Each thrust brought about a new wave of moans from her pretty red lips. Moans that I would be contented to hear for the rest of my life. They were so sexy and somehow sounded so girlish, which completely took away from her rough demeanor. She was just a little girl, albeit an experienced one, but still, just a little girl, with a hard shell, who was now putty in my more than competent hands.

"You like that, Chere?" I growled slightly, pulling my mouth away from her, while she writhed in my hands, begging for more with her body, but still not her words.

She moaned in assent, thrusting herself towards me again. I placed my hand on her pelvic bone and held her down.

"I said, do you like that Chere?"

"Fuck. Fuck yes."

"Ya gonna come for me darlin'? Come for Jasper." I continued to finger her while she bucked against the hand holding her down. "Come on baby. Tell me what you want. What do you want me to do?"

"Mmm… just… fucking.. Don't stop.." She managed to eek out between gasps.

Continuing to work my fingers inside her, I stood up and leaned over her, the foot that previously leaned on my shoulder, now draping over it at the knee and I bent towards her beautifully flushed face. My free hand gripped her hip and slid her further to the edge of the table, my hips now thrusting against my hand inside her, pushing my fingers deeper.

She arched her hips up, searching for the friction of what lay hidden in my jeans as I leaned over her, my lips at her ear, tongue darting out briefly. "You want me to fuck you, Chere? Is that what you want? You want me inside you?"

Her eyes opened slightly and I could see the animal in them. "God yes." She whispered and bit down on my shoulder, wrapping an arm around my neck and pulling me closer to her, while also bending the leg over my shoulder even more.

_God I love me a flexible girl._

I moved my hand to my belt buckle and undid it, as well as my jeans in one fluid motion. Pulling my straining cock out, I slid my fingers out of her and trailed them up her body, to her lips, where she hungrily took them into her mouth and moaned as I rubbed myself against her wetness.

Moving my hand back down her body, I gripped her hip tightly and slipped myself into her, making us both hiss at the sensation. The other hand went to her thigh hanging loosely from my shoulder, and I used the two as leverage, pulling myself almost completely out, and slamming back into her, holding still for a moment. Her free leg wrapped around my ass and nudged at me, again with the silent begging.

I smirked and shook my head, cocking an eyebrow.

"Say it." I growled at her.

She bit her lip and tried to arch her hips into me, but I held her firm. She whimpered a little and I thought I heard a sigh escape from her ruby lips.

"Please, Jasper", she whispered, "just fuck me." I would like to say that I took notice that this was the first time she had actually said my name, but let's just say, well, I was too wrapped up in other things.

I leaned down to her, a rough sound coming from my throat at I bit into her neck and pulled out again, pounding into her with such force that I could swear moved the table a little.

"Oh!" She squealed, and slid her hands down the neck of my jacket, nails digging to the skin of my back. "Again".

I, being the gentleman I am, obliged. With a vengeance.

I moved to kiss her neck where I had bitten her, sliding in and out of her with a hard, fast pace.

"Bite me again." She purred.

_Little girl likes it rough. _I smiled to myself, sinking my teeth into her tender flesh once more.

As my thrusts gained momentum, her moaned gained volume and within seconds of slipping my hand between her legs and circling my clit with my thumb, I felt the familiar clenching that told me she was ready to come. As her orgasm washed over her, she bucked her hips hard into me and I found myself having to bite into her neck this time to stifle my own moan that threatened to betray me as I was dragged over the edge with her.

I wrapped my hands in her hair and tugged violently as I came, holding her to me as hard as I could.

When we were both finished, I pulled out of her and did my pants up, trying, unsuccessfully, to regain my breath. I looked her over, and Lord help me, splayed out on the table, legs spread wide, orgasmic flush clinging to every inch of her body, arms over her head, chest heaving, she was the prettiest damned thing I ever saw.

BPOV

_Holy hell. Just wow._

I laid on the table, desperately trying to catch my breath and cool my blazing body. I haven't felt this good in a long fucking time.

Ok, so it was with a bar rat, but Goddamned, he was gorgeous, and an even better lay than I had expected. I don't think I've ever come that hard.

Eyes still closed, I snaked my hands down to my skirt, and shimmied it back into place, raising up on one elbow and looking at the Cowboy, all smug and shit.

Alright, so he had a reason to be smug, I'll play nice and give him that.

"That was…" I began.

"Fucking intense?" he panted, finishing my sentence.

"Yeah," I said, my breath ragged and voice shaky.

He moved in front of me again, and offered me his hands, which I took and attempted to stand up, but my jell-o legs nearly collapsed beneath me and I ended up in his arms, which, truth be told, wasn't actually all that bad. If I wasn't so against the idea of getting attached to someone, I'd venture to say I could get used to being in his arms.

But that was not something I could let myself think about.

I looked up at him and he smiled, pushing stray strands of hair away from my face, and leaning down to place a chaste kiss on my lips. I caught myself smiling at the kiss, but made sure it was gone when he pulled away and looked at me.

"Beer?" He asked.

"God, yes please."

"Hm.." he smirked, trailing off as he made his way to the fridge.

"What?"

"Aw, nothin', was just thinking about how that's the second time you've said those words in the last little while." Smug little fuck.

I smirked. Then stopped and huffed instead.

He twisted the beer cap off with his teeth, which made me cringe, and then handed it to me, opening one for himself as well. I sat at the table and took a long sip of my beer, relishing in the cooling effect it had on my parched throat. I hissed a little as I tilted my head to the side, trying to work the kinks out of my neck. My hand came up gently to my throat and touched gingerly at the sore spots where he had bitten me. I grabbed my purse and pulled out my compact, checking myself out in the mirror. Two deep, angry purple teeth marks welled up on the right side of my throat, dried blood outlining one of them.

"Shit!" He nearly yelled when he noticed and moved to my side to inspect it. "Fuck, sorry doll, didn't mean to draw blood." I smirked and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him to me and locking my lips with his.

"I liked it." I whispered into his mouth, making him groan.

"You're gonna be the death of me, little one, you keep talkin' like that."

I smiled coyly at him and slid my hand into the pocket of his jeans, making him throw his head back in anticipation. My fingers curled around what I was searching for and I pulled back out, which caused him to sigh in frustration as I showed him the hundred dollar bill he was waving in my face before, obviously trying to impress me.

Please.

"You just finished getting off! You're gonna tell me you'd really be ready for round two if I was up for it?" I exclaimed at him in disbelief. He grabbed my hand and pushed it against the crotch of his jeans. Yep, would definitely be ready.

"I may just have to keep you around for a little bit then." I flirted, batting my eyelashes and bending over one of the lines he had cut earlier.

"What, like you were gonna throw me out?"

I rolled my eyes at him and handed him the bill. He brushed up against my chest on his way to bend over the table, sending another wave of lust through my body.

_Down girl._

We eventually made it to the couch and sat down, flicking on the TV.

"So, darlin'…"

"Mm.." I looked at him, taking a sip of my beer.

"You gonna tell me about the whole deal with this Dar-"

"Nope." I cut him off before he could even get the name out. Who did he think he was?

He chuckled softly and draped his arm around my shoulders, fingers playing with the hair at the back of my neck. "Alright, I gotcha, sweets. Won't bring it up again."

"Thanks" I murmured appreciatively, closing my eyes to his divine touch.

The blazing high from the Coke half of the Speedball was wearing off, and I found myself nodding into my Heroin induced nirvana, head on Cowboy's shoulder, soft, happy sounds coming from my lips.

"I gotta question for ya, darlin'" His soft words floated to me through my stupor.

"Mmm..?" I managed.

"I am I at least allowed to take off my leather jacket when we're sleepin'?" I opened my eyes to look at his beautiful, smirking face, and broke into a fit of giggles.

"Yes, baby, you're allowed to take off you're jacket when we're sleeping." I snickered, and put my head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart and the shallow heave and drop of his chest while he breathed.

"'K good." He leaned up and slipped his jacket off his body, as well as mine and hung them up by the door. He bent to me nodding on the couch and scooped me up into his arms, bringing me into the bedroom. He undid my boots and slipped them off, as well as my skirt, pushing the blankets down, and pulling them over the two of us when he was sufficiently de-clothed as well, wrapping his arms tight around me, as we both drifted off to sleep.

------

I awoke sometime between 5 and 6 in the morning, panicked at the feeling of someone's arms around me. I twisted my head as far as I could, only to relax when I remembered that it was just Cowboy.

I slipped out of his grasp, quietly threw on a tank top and a pair of shorts and made my way back out into the living room, closing the bedroom door behind me.

I needed a fucking smoke. I remembered that Cowboy had some in the pocket of his jacket last night, so I moved to the front door and slid my hand in the right side pocket. My hand grazed over something hard and rectangular, that sure as hell wasn't a pack of cigarettes.

"What the f-" I stopped myself as I realized what it was. I pulled out the long, blue case that looked like it could hold a necklace, but I knew better. I'd seen this exact case in Darby's jacket a million times. It was his kit.

My stomach lurched.

_It was his kit._

Excited butterflies flitted around my insides.

_It was his kit!_

My eyes widened and the slow grin of an addict washed across my face as I opened the kit and fingered the bent spoon.

I shut the box and gripped it tightly to my chest, my gaze flitting from it, to the closed bedroom door. I stumbled to the space in between my wall and my couch and slid down the wall until my ass hit the floor. I opened the kit again and placed it beside me on the floor.

All rational thought had left me as my eyes gazed longingly at it. My hand whispered over the spoon slightly as I grabbed for the elastic band, tying it tightly around my bicep and flexing my hand. I stroked the spoon lovingly as I took it out and held it between my teeth, grabbing next for the bag of beige powder and the lighter. I took the spoon in my left hand and with my right, dabbed some of the power onto it. I put the bag back in its place, grabbing one of the syringes and squirting a tiny bit of water into the powder and lit the lighter under the spoon, watching the power turn into liquid heaven. I dropped the lighter and grabbed a cotton ball, dropping it onto the spoon as well, relighting the lighter under it. I grabbed another syringe and pushed the cotton ball around the spoon with it, dropping the lighter and allowing the cotton ball to soak up every last drop before plunging the syringe into it and soaking it all up. I let the spoon crash to the floor, flexing my hand a few more times to find just the right vein, as I plunged the long needle into the pulsing blue line in the crook of my elbow. I hit the plunger and sighed as the fiery liquid paradise coursed through my veins into my body.

I had just managed to untie the elastic before nodding off into perfect serenity, needle still in my arm.

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**AN: So, before this little story here, how many of you had heard of Darby Crash, or the Germs?**

**I urge you to look them up. Particularly the songs Lexicon Devil, Circle One (my namesake, if no one caught that), and Forming. Let me know what y'all think of them! Might not be everyone's taste. Listen to the WORDS though, not the music behind it. Darby was a genius, God rest his tortured soul.**

**What about the rest of the names of people or bands I've been dropping so far? Any fans in the house. I know we've got a Ramones fan (herm73)! Anyone else out there?**

**Didja enjoy this chapter? My first try at lemony goodness. Any good? What'd y'all think?**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Don't own any of these guys, as per usual. **

**Just want to apologize for my slow update this week, guys. I know I promised an update out by last Friday, but your's truly came down with the H1N1 and has been bundled up in bed for DAYS, completely unable to move. I hope you can all forgive me.**

**Hope I didn't take too many of you by surprise last chapter, with Bella shooting up :D Just having my own kind of fun.**

**Hey, just want to apologize for all the alerts of this chapter being posted. FF was screwing with me a lot tonight, and the story wasn't posting properly. It's 100% fixed now, and you won't get any more alerts. Promise. Thanks for understanding guys.**

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JPOV

So here I am, waking up alone, in a strange bed, covered in a sheen of cold sweat and with my head feeling like someone's taken a drill to my temple and then thoughtfully filled the hole with acid. And not the fun kind either. The pillow I'm laying on is not mine, though it's soft and smells like something I recognize. Like sweet girl. The sheets don't itch like mine do and they're satiny. I definitely don't do satin sheets. The blanket touching my bare chest feels furry and as I eye it, leopard spots come into view. Also definitely not mine.

_Where the fuck am I?_

I stretch my aching body, hearing the faint sound of my stiff joints popping as I work them in their sockets, and look around this unfamiliar room. The walls are an odd shade of purple, the color seems vaguely familiar, but I can't seem to place it. On the far wall, across from the bed is what some girls call… a "vanity", I guess. Dresser, big mirror, makeup, little stool, that kind of stuff. Draped across the edges of the mirror are a bunch of different leather belts. Studded, painted, plain black…all kinds. Above the mirror is a large poster of David Bowie. With candles on each edge of the dresser, it kind of makes it look like a shrine to him. And then I remember where I am.

_Right. Bella. _

That's right. Chere Bella. The purple walls match the streaks in her hair. How could I have forgotten that mysterious, compelling little vixen?

Fuckin' Jameson sure knew how to mess with a guy's head. I smile to myself and roll out of bed as the memories of desecrating her poor kitchen table come back to me. Grab my pants and throw them on, wondering where the fuck that little darlin' could have gotten off to.

"Bella?" My voice is hoarse with sleep and drink. Cross the room to the door and pull it open, making my way into the living room.

"Chere? Where'd ya go?"

I give a quick look around in the kitchen, and nothing. The table is still pushed too far forward, and the chairs are still pulled out. A thin layer of dust still coats the mirror that sits at the far end of the table, where we were doing lines last night. The bottle of Jameson still beside it. But other than this, absolutely nothing. I turn my gaze to the living room, and spy something small and rectangular and familiar and frightening laying on the ground, barely visible between the couch and the wall.

_No! Tell me it's not…!_

I take a step closer.

_Fuck me. It is. _

Another step, and I see the left toe of a black Doc boot.

Another and I see a bare knee.

Another. A tiny hand, splayed open, palm up, twitching.

Another. The arm attached to the hand. Complete with needle.

Another. The pale face of the beautiful little darlin' I met last night.

Another. Her eyes are closed.

One More. Her lips are blue.

Her lips are blue.

_Her lips are fuckin' blue! Wake up Jasper and get in gear, cowboy. Her lips are blue. Not a good fucking sign._

_Fuck!_

I snap into action and rush to her side, trying to gently pull the needle from her vein. I grip it by the very edge of the barrel, closest to the needle, and pull. I tug once and the needle refuses to relent, tenting the skin it's attached to with the motion. I choke back a gag and wipe the sweat from my forehead, bending again for another try. Again, the needle doesn't give. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly, closing my eyes and gathering my wits before pulling at it once more. This time it gives and the slight force it took to yank the needle from her arm causes a small trickle of blood to seep from the puncture wound and trail down her pale forearm, pooling in her limp hand.

_Fuck!_

I press a hand to her bleeding arm, lay my head on her chest. Panting so hard, I can barely hear her heart beating. I can feel her blood warming my palm.

_Good move, Jasper. You just meet this amazing fucking girl and you manage to fucking kill her because you're a fucking junkie. _

"C'mon Bells. We gotta get ya up, love", I slipped an arm under her knees and the other around her back and lifted her into my arms, trying my damndest to not panic at this very moment.

Panic or pass out.

Not a one of 'em would be much good in this here situation.

I shook myself back to the front and focused on what I was doing. Holding Bella. Trying to save Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. She felt so tiny in my arms. Not at all like the persona she tried to play. She felt small and unreal. Like a doll. Like a marionette. Completely lifeless with no one to pull her strings and make her dance.

_Come on Bells, dance for Jasper._

I carried her into the bathroom, sat her gently on the floor against the wall. Slammed the plunger down into the bathtub and turned on the cold water as high as it would go, turned back, went to work undressing her. God, her whole body was so pale it looked almost fucking see-through. The bite marks I'd left on her neck last night now looked almost black in comparison to her paper white skin. It was a terrifying contrast that made me sick to my stomach for doing such a depraved thing to this tiny, little girl in my arms.

_Show me on the doll where the bad man touched you._

With the bathtub full, I turned off the tap and lifted her fully into my arms again, dropping her slowly into the ice water. I'd seen this work before, had to hope it'd work now. Shocking the heart back into beating at it's normal pace.

She'd been in the water all of 30 seconds before the icy blast worked it's magic and she shot up, gasping for breath.

"Angel?" I managed to gasp out after the shock of her jumping up had subsided. "Angel, are you alright?" I bent by the edge of the bath, grabbing a towel from the rack and wrapping it around her as I helped her up and out of the freezing water. She shivered violently and I could hear her teeth chattering.

She stayed completely silent as I led her into her bedroom and found warm clothes to dress her in. Unsure if her silence meant she was in shock, or just too cold to talk at the moment, I had to hope for the best and continued trying to talk to her, rubbing my hands up and down her arms to help warm her, as I led her to sit on the edge of her bed.

"Bella? Please say something to me, peach. Are ya ok?"

Finally, she moved her gaze from straight ahead, and turned to look at me. Her lips still blue, but this time from cold, rather than a near overdose.

"C-c-cowboy?"

I had to laugh. At least she was coherent enough to remember to call me Cowboy.

"Yeah, Chere. It's me. Are ya ok?"

_What the fuck were you thinking?_

And then she surprised me. A slow smile spread across her blue, chattering lips.

"W-wh-what a r-r-rush"

_Come again?_

"What was that, Chere?"

"Th-that w-was i-intense"

"You're fuckin' kidding me right, Bella. You lost one too many brain cells there, yeah? Ya almost fuckin' OD'd because ya couldn't help yourdamnself when you found my kit and decided to take a fuckin' shot, and now you're all smiles and think it was fuckin' fun? Is that what you're tellin' me here, kitten?"

She shrugged. No joke. She just fucking looked at me, smiled and shrugged. Should I kill her now, or later? Crazy bitch nearly gives me a heart attack and she thinks it was a good ole time. Yet for some reason, I'm not fuckin' surprised at all.

I sigh and sit down on the floor, shaking my head and pushing myself up against one of her fucking purple walls, palming my face in my hands. Completely speechless and stunned. This little girl that I was kicking myself for hurting before, really was fucking fearless. Fearless or insane. I wasn't sure which yet. She almost scared me a little.

Ok, not almost. She did fucking scare me a little.

Ok, she fucking scared me a lot.

I finally managed to lift my head and look up at her, only, she wasn't where I had left her on the bed. She had gotten up and moved to her giant closet. The towel long forgotten and discarded behind her, along with the clothes I had dressed her in when I first got her back in here. She stood in the opening of her closet, flinging clothes behind her.

"What the fuck are ya doin'?"

"Getting dressed." She called to me, over her shoulder, but not really looking at me, more just in my general direction.

"Yeah, I can see that. Care to explain why?"

"'Cause I'm going out."

_Huh? Did I hear that right?_

"You're what?"

"I said I'm going out."

"Yeah, I got that. I just fail to understand."

"What's there to understand?" She tilted her head like a confused puppy and I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. What was this girl doing? And more to the point, what the fuck was she doing to me?

"Well, for starters, you almost just died. And now you're planning on going out?"

She clucked her tongue and rolled her eyes at me like a patronizing teenager. "Cowboy.." she whined, coming over to me and bending down, placing her tiny hands on my knees. "That was before. I'm fine now. You can see that. And I've got places to go."

"Places to go?" She's definitely insane, this one. And she's going to drive me insane. I can see it already.

"Yes, Cowboy." She stood up, being less patronizing and more indignant now. "I've got appearances to make and a reputation to uphold. So you can either leave, or come along for the ride. The choice is yours."

I had a feeling that by "come along for the ride", she didn't mean just the car ride. And I could already tell that wherever this girl went, it was bound to be a bumpy road. And for some reason, I was compelled to follow her wherever she would agree to lead me. No matter how out of her mind she turned out to be.

She made her way back to her closet and continued digging through her clothes. Only calling out to me once the entire time.

"So, you in?"

I sighed and stood up, laying back on her bed and looking at her tiny body engulfed by a hurricane of clothes that could outfit an entire fetish club full of Dominatrices. Leather and fur and spandex was flying everywhere. I had to duck out of the way of an errant corset that nearly took out my left eye with it's chrome clasps.

"I'm in. Gonna have to stop by my place though. I'm going to need to get changed too."

"I think ya look just fine, Cowboy." She winked over her shoulder.

"You may think so, darlin', but nearly killin' ya kinda made me work up a sweat. I'd like to shower and throw on some new clothes, thanks."

She turned and looked at me. She looked sad, and that confused puppy face was back.

"Nearly killing me? What are you talking about? If I've got the facts straight, you kinda saved my life, no?"

"Wouldn't a' needed savin' if I hadn't a' brought that shit in here in the first place."

"Get over it, Cowboy. You didn't stick that fucking needle in my arm, so just fucking let it go and let's move on, shall we? I'll not have you coming out with me tonight moping about almost fucking killing me. Got it?"

Seemed every single word out of this chick's mouth took me completely by surprise. I never knew what she was going to say or what she was thinking. She was a fucking ball of energy and that energy attracted me like a moth to a flame. It was the most intense thing I'd ever felt and it scared the shit outta me. But I couldn't help it. I had to be near her. I had to bend to her every whim. So I shrugged and said "Yeah, I got it."

"Good. Now, how does this look?"

She stepped out of the closet wearing a pair of purple snake skin leather pants, a black shirt that was ripped at the collar so once side hung down off her shoulder, and had the picture from the cover of Bowie's Aladdin Sane album on it. She made a little turn, and I swear I had to wipe drool from the corners of my mouth. Her ass looked so good in those damn pants, it was all I could do to stop myself from throwing her on the bed and having my way with her right then and there.

That would have to wait until later.

And I would make damn sure it happened.

"You look amazing." I gave my award-winning grin at her as she moved to her mirror and grabbed the belt that hung across it, slinging it low on her hips.

"I know." She smirked at me in the mirror and sat at the vanity thing to do her make up.

"So, where we going tonight?"

"X is playing at the Troubadour."

We fell silent after that, while she put on her makeup and did her hair, and I stared at her, thinking about all the horrible things I wanted to do that fragile little body once the night was over. The things flooding through my mind while I watched her would make John Holmes blush. I needed to get home and take a shower as fast as humanly fucking possible.

"Almost ready, Chere?"

"Yep, just gotta grab my shoes and I'll be ready to go. You live close?"

"I live just off the Strip. I'll show you."

_Oh, the things I'm going to show you_

She went to her closet again and when she came out had on a pair of the highest patent leather spiked heels I had ever seen. I'd have to make sure she left those things on later tonight. They were sexy as fuck.

We grabbed our coats from the rack near the door and headed down the driveway to her car.

"Ya let me drive today, hmm, Chere?" I winked at her.

"Not on the life of your fucking horse, Cowboy." She laughed, and I thought my heart would explode from the sound. It was the best fucking sound I'd ever heard. Like a tinkling of sleigh bells at Christmastime or the song of the ice cream truck coming 'round the corner. One of those sounds that always made you smile and reminded you of youth, and happy times. It turned me on instantly.

I slid into the passenger seat and was instantly reminded of my thoughts of the previous night. Wanting to hear her naked body sliding against the leather of her backseat.

God, I needed a shower badly now.

---------

It felt nice to be back in my apartment, but it was odd having a chick here. Even if she was an amazingly gorgeous chick like Bella Swan. I never brought girls here. This is _my _place. My sanctuary. The décor is very minimalist. Plain white walls, a bar in the far corner of the living room that leads to the kitchen. TV, sofa, coffee table and record player in the living room, as well as a wall full of records, and my collection of guitars off to the side. Hallway leads to my bedroom and bathroom and that's about it. But it's mine, and it's home and I love it.

But now _she _was here.

Why is she here again?

Oh, right. Because I invited her.

Why did I invite her again?

Right. Because I want to fuck her again. Almost forgot about that.

"Grab a seat. Beer's in the fridge, Coke's in the right drawer of the coffee table. I'm gonna grab a shower."

I left her to her vices in the living room and headed quickly to the bathroom to finally get my ass in the shower. I turned the tap, shrugged out of my clothes and stepped into the scalding cascade of water. I tried hard to just take a normal shower. I really did. I lathered, rinsed and repeated, just like the bottle tells you to do, but throughout, my mind was bombarded with visions. Visions of Bella in those purple snakeskin pants. Visions of her in those heels. Visions of her on her kitchen table. Visions of her legs wrapped around me, screaming my name, begging for more. Begging for me to bite her again. And before I could even fathom what was happening, my hand had slid down my soapy body to my hardened length and I gripped it tight. I closed my eyes and pictured her naked on my couch, wearing nothing but those damn heels. And maybe her studded belt. Give me something to hold onto. With all of these thoughts flooding my being, I didn't manage to last long and quickly found myself holding onto the shower wall to stop myself from falling. I washed up again and finished my shower, drying off and walking back into the living room with a towel wrapped around my waist.

"Have a good time in there?" She asked me with a knowing grin.

"Not as good a time as I had last night on your table, Chere." I shot back and sat beside her on the couch.

"You plan on getting dressed, Cowboy, or are ya expecting me to give it up for you again, right here on your couch?"

I think I need another shower.

"Nah, Chere. Just figured I'd get me a line before I go and get my ass dressed. That sit well with the princess, or did ya have something else in mind?"

She handed me the rolled up bill she had in her hand and sat back, eyeing my naked upper body appraisingly as I leaned over the table and snorted back one of the two lines she had set up.

"Thank ya kindly, ma'am" I smirked, pouring my accent on so thick, you could almost see it dripping from my tongue. It made her giggle, so I was contented.

When her giggling had subsided, she grabbed the bill outta my hand and nearly pushed my ass off the couch.

"Alright, go get fucking dressed, will ya? If we're late, Exene will be pissed at me, and you'll be in trouble."

"Maybe I like the idea of being in trouble with you, Chere."

"Not the good kind. Now go!" She stomped her foot like a child and gave me the sternest look she could muster while pointing down the hallway. I tipped an invisible hat, said "yes, ma'am" and headed to my room.

I returned from my room not long after, sporting a pair of light blue jeans, a plain black t-shirt, and a black cowboy hat. Pretty much the usual. I found Bella half-way through her second beer and all the way through her third line. "Good blow," she sniffed harshly as I came into her line of sight.

"Yeah, I know. Hope you were planning on saving me some there, darlin'."

She smirked and handed me the bill again, motioning for two freshly cut lines. "Thank ya." I said, and snorted them. "Ya ready to head out?" She nodded and I grabbed my jacket, instinctively putting my hand in the inside pocket and cussing out a loud "fuck!" when I realized what was normally hidden in there was missing.

"Looking for this?" She asked, snarky fucking eyebrows cocked and lips pursed as she waved my kit at me.

I snatched it from her hand and replaced it in my coat pocket while mumbling a small "shuddup," and finding something incredibly interesting with my boots at that moment.

"Hey, from what you walked in on this morning, I'm not one to judge, baby," she said, standing and walking over to me, "but," she ran her hands up my chest, leaning in and whispering in my ear, her lips tickling my lobe, "if you're planning on gettin' some tonight, then I'd suggest we hold off on _that _until later, hmm?"

_Later it is then._

I fought the urge to just forget about the show altogether and keep her handcuffed naked to my bed all night, and instead took her hand and followed her out the front door.

_Wait, we?_

I stopped abruptly, but she just tugged me along and threw me a knowing grin over her shoulder.

"Later, Cowboy. Let's go."

---------

We got to the show with plenty of time and walked passed the long line waiting outside and moved right to the front door where Bella shamelessly flirted with the bouncer and got us in without having to wait.

Within minutes of getting inside the bar, she was off. Bella was truly amazing to watch. She worked the crowd and played people right into her little hands. It was unbelievable. Crowds of girls would part like the Red Sea as she approached, as if just being in her general vicinity would burn their skin. And guys? The guys were even worse. She would walk up to them, touch their arm, give them a flirty laugh, and they would melt between her fingers. She had people handing her drugs like they were going out of style. Some would give her a handful of pills, which she would put in her pocket, others stuffed vials of Coke into the tight front pockets of her leather pants. There were baggies in her back pockets, tinfoil balls in her jacket. I watched with increasing jealousy as one guy popped a pill directly into her mouth, lingering for too long with his finger on her bottom lip, and another stuffed a vial down the front of her shirt, into her cleavage.

Am I getting jealous over a girl I met _yesterday?_ Definitely not cool.

So intent was I on watching Bella, well, watching the guys groping Bella, that I hadn't even noticed that at some point I had attracted my own little gaggle of wannabe groupies fawning over me.

I hadn't noticed.

But apparently, Bella had.

Her eyes caught mine and suddenly she was moving towards me with such fluid intensity and determination, I could swear she was almost floating. She stopped inches short of me and slid a hand into her pocket, producing a tiny white pill and holding it out to me. I opened my mouth to her and she placed the small drug on my tongue. I managed to half swallow the pill before she had wrapped her hands tightly around my neck, and crushed her body against me. Her lips met mine in a frenzy of possessive ownership and her tongue found it's way into my mouth, lapping against my own as my throat seared from dry swallowing the bitter pill. She finished by biting my lower lip and giving me small, sexy growl. I took a long swig of my beer to ease my throat, and caught my breath.

"And what the fuck was that all about?"

"Just making sure these lovely ladies know what's mine. Hear that, bitches? Mine! Back the fuck off." She barked at them and turned back to me, batting her eyelashes and flashing me a mock innocent grin.

"And the pill?" I took another sip of my beer, watching the little crowd of girls around me begin to disperse, looking very dejected, but not ballsy enough to say something back to Bella.

"Oh that?" Same innocent smile. Then a shrug. "I dunno." Evil grin and she was walking away again.

Yep, this girl will definitely be the death of me.

I finished off my beer and ordered another one, kind of hoping that the pill I had just taken was nothing more than Speed. I wasn't in the mood for out-of-my-mind-loopy tonight. At least not right now. A nice upper I had no problem with though.

The tightening of my muscles and the sudden urge to bounce a little told me that it was in fact Speed. Good.

The lights dimmed and the band came out on stage and jumped right into _Johnny Hit and Run Pauline._

_He bought a sterilized hypo_

_To shoot a sex machine drug_

_He got 24 hours to shoot_

_All Paulines between the legs_

_He'll throw 96 tears thru 24 hours_

_Sexed once every hour_

_Johnny Hit and Run Pauline_

My favorite song by X. It makes me laugh that no one ever seemed to get it. The little groupie wannabes stand in the bitch pit, screaming at John Doe to sing this song and the irony makes me laugh my fuckin' ass off. They beg for him to sing this song. They scream "_Johnny Hit and Run Pauline!!" _over and over as if it was some fucked up, morbid chant and not once, realizing that they're begging for the band to play a song that is entirely about kidnapping and raping a girl over and over for 24 hours.

_L.A. bus doors open_

_Kicking both doors open_

_When it rested on 6th Street_

_That's when he drug a girl inside_

_He was spreading her legs_

_And didn't understand dying_

_She was still awake_

_Johnny Hit and Run Pauline_

X, of course, didn't write the song as a promotion of rape, but as an ironic "fuck you" to the masses who don't really listen to what a song is about, and instead only like it if everyone else likes it. It worked, and the bitch pit at every X show is the perfect fucking example of that. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

_When he was waking up_

_Beside the bed_

_He found clumps of hair_

_The last Pauline wouldn't cooperate_

_She wasn't what you'd call living really_

_But she was still awake_

_Johnny hit and Run Pauline_

The song came to and end and the masses clapped and cheered as they always do. During my little elitist reverie, I had managed to lose Bella to the sea of people, but quickly spotted her again. It actually wasn't that hard. It's easy to pick someone out of a crowd when you see a giant wave of brown and purple hair flying around as the hand that's attached to the wave of hair is holding a tall blonde girl against the wall by her throat.

Wait. Grabbing her by the _throat?_

_Oh shit._

I pushed my way through the crowd to the far wall to find Bella tightening her grip on a throat that I realized belonged to the notorious leader of the so-called "band-aids", Jessica Stanley. Beside her, Jessica's friend Lauren was trying desperately to wrestle Bella's grasp from Jessica's neck, without success, while Jessica started to turn almost as purple as Bella's hair, and struggled against the stronger girl's hand, gasping for air and clawing at whatever exposed skin she could find. Finally annoyed at Lauren's tugging, Bella raised her free hand, curled her fist and clocked her right in the face, sending Lauren sprawling to the ground at my feet.

"Bella!" I called out, trying to keep my voice calm as I approached her back. I slid my hands down her waist to rest them on her hips.

"Bella, love. Not that I wouldn't enjoy the sight of you kicking some little bitch's ass," I whispered in her ear, "but if you don't let go soon, Chere, you're going to kill her, and I don't fancy seeing your pretty little behind in jail, yeah?" I slid one hand down her outstretched arm and rested it on her clenched hand. "Because then I won't be able to see it in my bed. So how about we let her go." Her hand tightened once, making Jessica splutter, and then let go. The blonde slid down the wall, clutching at her throat and gasping for air.

By this time the lights had come back on, the crowd of people had parted and all were staring in our general direction. A couple of the girls Jessica ran with tried to approach her, but Bella growled at them, it was the most maliciously evil (and fuck me sexy) sound I'd ever heard, and they all backed off pretty damn quickly.

Lauren, finally coming to, tried to crawl towards Jessica, but Bella quickly squashed that idea by stomping on the hand closet to her foot, and digging the spiked heel in between her knuckles.

"Move again, bitch, and I'll make the heel go right through next time."

"Care to let me in on what's goin' on, Chere?"

"What ever are you talking about?" Again with the innocence. She could play that damn well when she wanted to. "We were just having a girl talk." She looked down at Jessica. "Weren't we?" She sneered at the cowering girl, the venom in her words so thick it was almost corporeal. She smiled sweetly and then turned back to me. "You see, Jessica here was having a hard time understanding that while it makes no difference to me what she has… _touched _previously," she gave me a very pointed glare at this point, "it does not make for a happy Bella to hear about it. And also that while she may well _have _touched certain things in the past, those things now belong to me, and she should not make the mistake of believing she will ever get the chance to go anywhere near _those things _again."

I couldn't help but smirk, even through the evil glares she was giving me.

Yeah, so what. I fucked the groupie bitch a while back. Sue me.

"An unhappy Bella," she started again, looking back and forth between me and Jessica this time, making sure we both understood, "makes for a murderous Bella. Are we all clear on that point now?"

Jessica nodded frantically and I gave a quick nod, having to bite the insides of my cheeks to stop the grin that threatened to spread across my lips.

"Good. I want a beer." She turned on her heel, her hair flipping out behind her, and left her little area of destruction for others to clean up, tugging me by the hand behind her. Once the show started up again, halfway back to the bar, I was able to let out the laugh that had been building up inside me since this tough little girl started threatening me with her eyes. She turned back to me and I quickly stifled it, smiling and tipping my hat at her with my free hand.

We got back to the bar and ordered beers. She huffed at me and took a long sip of hers, grabbing a cigarette from my coat pocket, placing it between her gorgeous red lips, and lighting it with a Zippo she found in the pocket of my jeans.

"Really, Chere? You're gonna act all mad with me over that shit? That's the game you're gonna play tonight?" I took a sip from my own bottle and snatched my lighter back.

She smirked at me from around the butt of the smoke. "Nah, I just wanted a reason to beat the bitch down, and when she started intentionally talking loud enough so I could hear about how she had fucked you first, well," she shrugged, "it gave me the perfect excuse." She beamed and leaned over to give me a quick kiss.

"Have I told you you're damn sexy when you're a mad little girl?"

Before she could respond, we were interrupted by John Doe hopping from the stage and coming over to us, grabbing Bella in a huge hug and lifting her in the air.

"Good to see ya Bells! Thanks for coming."

"Wouldn't have missed it, John, you know that."

"Yeah, I know." He turned and eyed me up and down, "You gonna introduce me to the latest boy toy?" I cocked a challenging eyebrow at him, but Bella intervened and stepped half between us.

"John, be nice." She ordered, "This is Jasper. Cowboy, this is John."

"Yeah, I know." I said, and held a hand out to him to play nice. He shook it and nodded his head.

"Yeah, nice to meet you. You guys coming backstage? Exene is setting up the party favours."

Bella looked at me and did the questioning puppy face. I shrugged. She smiled and nodded, grabbing her purse from the bartender, though I hadn't even realized she'd given it to him, and grabbed my hand to follow John backstage. It looked almost the same as backstage at the Whiskey, only with more couches and cleaner floors. Oh, and more drugs littered across the table. We sat down on a faded red leather couch, beside Exene, and Bella made the introductions all around. I'd been a little smitten with Exene from the first time I saw X play, so I have to admit, I was a little more than content to watch her smile approvingly as her eyes trailed up my body, across my face and back to Bella as she gave her a wink. Bella must have seen me watching Exene watching me though, because she swiftly dug her nails into the back of the hand of mine that she was holding.

Jealous much?

Ya know, for someone who's been dubbed _the _groupie, she sure as hell doesn't like to share. Not that I minded much, as long as she knew that I didn't share either.

I sat in awe at the amount of drugs being thrown around this place. I mean, I've obviously seen my fair share of drugs in my day, but the pile of blow sitting in the middle of the table could have built of a fucking snow man. Not to mention the ten different bottles of pills on the far edge of the table, and the little baggies of Junk placed strategically in front of Billy Zoom while he tied off his own arm. It was insane. Bella was insane. I was going insane.

And then Exene handed me a straw, gestured to the gigantic pile of blow and said simply "Have at it, baby," and suddenly I was a kid in a candy store.

The coke seemed to fall from the sky like snow, and the beer flowed like water. It was like that fucking Greek myth about the Hydra, every time you snorted one line, or finished one beer, another two would appear in their place.

I was double fisting beers and having Bella hold the straw for me while I leaned over the pile of happiness. I would look over at her from time to time and she would just be watching me and smiling, off in her own little haze of whatever pills she'd been popping into her mouth every few minutes.

"Having fun, Cowboy?" She leaned over and whispered in my ear after what seemed like my 30th line.

I put my beers on the table and leaned over, splaying my hands across her jaw line and neck, and pulling her face to mine. "I am darlin'," I whispered against her soft, ruby lips as I kissed her.

The hooting and hollering from John and Exene made us break apart and we both laughed, grabbing for our beers again. She took a final swig from hers and looked at me with lowered lashes and a playful grin. "Wanna get outta here?" She asked, nodding her head slightly in the direction of the door.

"Fuckin' right I do." I smiled my grin that made the ladies weak in the knees and polished off both beers in my hands.

"It was nice meeting y'all, but I'm gonna take my little lady friend here home for the night, if y'all don't mind." I stood and made my way around the room, wishing them all a good night and a thank you for the provided fun. Exene stood and kissed me on the cheek, holding me closer than either Bella or John seemed to approve of.

"You don't be a stranger now, _Cowboy._" She purred in my ear, and I was forcefully tugged away and back out into the bar area by Bella.

"I'm not even going to say anything about it," she started, continuing to pull me out the front door. "I just want to get you home and get your fucking clothes off. So don't say a word."

I complied.

Obviously.

_______________________________________________________________________

**AN:**

**Everyone should go check out the song **_**Johnny Hit and Run Pauline **_**by X. It really is an awesome song! Listen to it and let me know what y'all think!**

**Live version from the 1980 Documentary by Penelope Spheeris **_**The Decline of Western Civilization: **_

**www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=1Nt-vGexNDE&feature=related**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Don't own. Wish I did. Well, wish I owned Jasper, anyway. Though I do own an original print vinyl of every band I've mentioned in the story thus far. I'm a nerd like that.**

**So, hope you all are enjoying it so far. We've got a long way to go :) so review ladies! Or maybe I won't think you all like it :( Come on! I'm a whore for your amazing reviews. I'll even do a striptease for ya! ;)**

**Ok, enough of my shamelessness, onto the story, hahahaha.**

________________________________________________________________________

**BPOV**

I had an epiphany that night. Not one of those good ones either. This one scared the shit out of me, and I had to find some way to rectify it.

It hit me when we were at the Troubadour and I was standing there, with my hand clenched tight around Jessica Stanley's throat. I was _jealous_! She started talking, and before I even knew what I was doing, I was choking the bitch out. Don't get me wrong, it was fun and all. More fun than you'll ever know. But it meant something. And the only thing it could possibly mean is that I was _jealous. _

_Jealousy _led to _feelings._ And feelings were definitely something I could not afford in my *_ahem_* line of work.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying: _But Bella, you're a groupie! That's not work! _Well, lemme ask you something, darlings: Has anyone ever bought _you _a house, just for hanging out with them? Or a car? Or handed you a grand in hundred dollar bills to go shop your ass off, just because you're a cool chick? Didn't think so. A groupie's work is not all done flat on her back, either, lovelies. Though, there is that added perk, I won't lie.

But I digress.

Back to my epiphany. There I was, my perfectly manicured, blood red nails clenched around Jessica's skanky little throat while she gagged and spluttered in my face. I. Am. Jealous. Which, of course, did nothing for my already spiked mood, so I did the only thing I could think of: I grasped tighter. I knew she was close to passing out, and I didn't care. I was fucking _jealous! _I was starting to _feel _something for this bar rat. I couldn't let that happen. Not again. Not after Darby.

Darby.

It always fucking came back to him. He was the beginning of my end. He was my downfall. And it was happening all over again with Cowboy. So much like Darby. From the stage presence, to the gorgeous baby blues and the way he smelled like leather. Leather and sweaty musician. My two favorite smells in the world. Oh right, and the Heroin addiction. They both had that as well. Can't forget that. Not that the fucking track marks on my arms would let me, even if I tried. Fucking junk. That shit started with Darby too. He fought hard to keep me out of fancy cars, and designer clothes and bathtubs full of money, and of course, out of the beds of rock stars, and instead kept me in booze, and Coke and Heroin. But Darby is gone, and those days are done, and now, I have Cowboy.

Cowboy, with the Southern drawl, and the piercing eyes, and the cocky, but breath-taking smile. And the Heroin. It always manages to rear it's ugly head, doesn't it. He couldn't have just been a gorgeous bar rat? He had to be a fucking junkie too? Thanks Fates. I appreciate the fucking irony here.

Oh yeah, and of course, the _feelings._ Pesky things that keep me from money, and hotel rooms and limos and private jets. Fucking _feelings._

Self-Sabotage, ya know? It's what I do best.

Once I realized what was going on, while almost killing Jessica, I also realized that I had to think quick and get my ass out of this shit before Cowboy expected it to become a real fucking relationship! So what did I do? I punched Lauren in the face, let Jessica go, and started pounding back as much booze as I could, and popping as many pills as humanly fucking possible.

Right, then I asked Cowboy if he wanted to leave, almost clawed my friend's eyes out because she was hitting on him, and then told him I wanted to get him home and naked.

Smooth Bells, really fucking a way to start your attempt at dropping the poor bastard.

Alright, enough of my inner monologue here, let's get back to the night at hand, shall we?

----------

"I'm not even going to say anything about it," I said, continuing to pull him out the front door. "I just want to get you home and get your fucking clothes off. So don't say a word."

Smart boy kept silent. He was a good boy at times.

We got to my car and he began begging me to drive her again. "Look, Cowboy," I huffed, turning to look at him and walking to the driver's side. "You're a sweet guy, and I like you, but I'll never like you that much." I threw him a wink and smirk and got in the car, he pouted for a minute, but followed suit.

"So, ya like me Chere?" Cocky, as fucking usual.

"Don't get your hopes up, kid. I like looking at you. And I don't so much mind fucking you. So let's leave it at that, cool?"

"Sure Chere," he smirked, and I wanted to smack that cocky fucking face of his, "call me kid again though, and I might just have to shove my dick down your throat. Show ya how much of a kid I am not."

I turned to him with cocked eyebrows and an open mouthed, sort of incredulous, gaping grin, my tongue resting on my top teeth.

_Is this guy for fucking real?_

"Alright, Cowboy." I managed to cough out in a laugh. "I should warn you though," I revved Betty's engine loudly, you know, to make a point, "When unwelcome things are put in my mouth," I turned to him and gave the most seductive smile I could, batting my eyelashes "I tend to bite down. Hard." I snapped my teeth for effect, and pulled onto the Strip, heading home.

Pulled into my drive, and I got out of the car without a glance in his direction. Looking at the boy would only make matters worse. He was just too damn beautiful for his own fucking good. Or, for _my _own good, actually.

We got into the house and he went right to the fridge, grabbing us both a beer and handing me one. Boy's been here three days and already he's comfortable enough to go in my fucking fridge?

He took off his jacket and hung it on the back of one of my kitchen chairs and my eyes automatically went to his perfectly sculpted chest under his tight black t-shirt. I bit my bottom lip as my eyes wandered. He couldn't have been made more perfect if Michelangelo had chiselled him out of marble. This was definitely not like Darby. Darby was beautiful, but he had a little meat to him, ya know? Not fat in the slightest, but not muscled either, just a little pudge. Something to grab onto. He caught me staring and ducked his head to bring my eyes back up to his face. "Ya like what ya see, Chere?" He winked, arrogant bastard.

"Oh shut the fuck up." I growled, pouting at the fact that I had begun to realize that this was going to be harder than I had originally thought. He chuckled smugly and made his way to my record player. Shuffling through the massive collection of records I'd accumulated over the years, he grabbed one and put it on.

"_Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine." _Patti Smith's voice flooded my little living room, causing me to involuntarily close my eyes and sway to the rhythm. I felt a strong pair of hands on my hips, moving with me, and instead of pulling away like I wanted to, I let the music take me away in my pill induced haze. I leaned my head back against his hard chest and continued swaying, and I'll tell you, it absolutely was not lost on me that with each of my movements, he inched his hips closer and closer to me, until he was straining against my lower back. He lowered his head to my neck and kissed the ticklish skin there ever so softly before drawling lightly in my ear. "You're absolutely gorgeous, do you know that?"

I smiled at him and kept my eyes closed, continuing with my movements for just a while longer, before turning to him, and placing my hands on his chest. His hands slid down to my ass and he kept me swaying. "I know, Cowboy." I gave him a crooked smile, "but thank you." I added, lifting up on my toes to kiss his full lips gently. His deft hands made fast work of lifting my body up and wrapping my legs around his waist. I draped one arm over his shoulder, and knocked his cowboy hat off with the other, keeping my fingers tangled in the wavy locks at his nape. He brought me over to the couch and sat down, causing me to straddle his hips.

"What now, Chere?" He asked playfully, his hands playing over my lower back, slipping underneath my shirt and gently groping at my bare flesh.

Without a word, keeping my eyes trained on his, I slipped my hand into the inside pocket of my jacket and produced his kit, holding it in front of him like it was the fucking holy grail. He panted heavily, and I wasn't sure if it was from desire for me, or the junk.

"Now?" He asked, breathless. "You want to do that _now?_" His eyes wandered longingly over my body before coming to rest on the little rectangular box and he bit his lip. My choice was made, and after that display, I knew his was too. "I-I'm out though.." he trailed off, but I knew what he was talking about.

I leaned down to his ear, my chest pressing against his, making us both shudder. "My back pocket. Billy Zoom and I are very good friends." He slid his hand into the tight back pocket of my leather pants and pulled out a tiny baggy of brownish powder. I slid my jacket off my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor, and lifted my shirt over my head, straddling him in nothing but my pants and my bra. He quickly tore his shirt from his torso and let it fall in a heap on the floor with mine. I let one of my hands roam across his bare chest for a moment, feeling every muscle react to my touch. "So many scars.." I noticed, as my hands trailed across the track marks I had never noticed before on his neck, at the sides of his ribs and down both of his arms.

"Collapsed veins"***** He said coolly, with a shy smile, letting his hands wander down my own arms, fingers tracing the scars that nearly mirrored his exactly.

"I know." I whispered and bent my head to kiss his full lips once more before removing myself from his lap and standing. He whimpered audibly from the loss of contact, but I gestured that I'd only be a moment.

I moved to my room and went immediately to my old hiding place, never thinking I'd need this again, but having always kept it as a security blanket. I shoved my hand in the false bottom of my dresser drawer and let my hand slide over the cold steel, my fingers knowingly tracing the etched monogram: DC, before I pulled my own kit out of hiding and went back to my Cowboy in the living room.

I slowly made my way back to him, and straddled his hips once more, showing him what I'd gone to retrieve. "DC…" He started, "that was-"

But I cut him off with a gentle "Shhh" and a nip to his collar bone. I laid both kits out on the couch beside me, pulling the elastics out from both and tying one around his arm, watching with growing desire as he flexed his muscles around the tight band. He took the other from me and did the same to my arm. We each grabbed a spoon and cooked up a shot, our eyes flickering from the heated drugs to each other. I grabbed two syringes and handed him one. Spoons discarded, we stared at one another for a long moment, and he moved to spike his own vein. I quickly stopped his hand and shook my head. "Together." I whispered, my hand ghosting across his arm and tapping the crook of his elbow, making a vein pop, to show him what I meant.

"You want me to…" he stared at me with wide eyes, his thumb putting pressure on the inside of my elbow.

"Shhh…baby, trust me." I mewled. And he did. He tapped my sensitive vein once, twice, three times before it popped and I smiled down at him. I placed the tip of the syringe I was holding at the most prominent point of his vein, and he followed suit. "You ready?" I panted, holding his eyes. He nodded, and at the same moment, the two of us released the searing liquid into one another's wanting bodies, our eye contact never breaking.

The moment both needles were spent, we took them from each other's arms and tossed them onto the couch, each releasing the other from the straining elastic that held our veins at a constant salute. Our breathing picked up within seconds and I could feel the drug taking it's effect on me. One look into his eyes knew he could too. I laid my forehead against his, my heavy lids winning the battle and my eyes closing. My chest heaved against his, as his hands found my back once again and held firmly.

"Fuck!" He panted, his mouth dropping open as his high started to peak. "Bella.." He moaned, moving so his lips made contact with my neck. My eyes rolled back and I could feel myself starting to lean backwards uncontrollably, but Cowboy's hands at my back held me fast and pulled me back towards him. "I've…got you... Kitten.." he panted against my skin again. I raised my heavy arms and draped them around his neck. It was the most intense high I'd ever felt, doing it like this, here, with him. So depraved yet so amazingly sensual at the same time.

I don't know how long we sat like that, riding out our highs, feeling the touch of our hands on the other's skin, writhing, almost drunkenly, to the sound of the music surrounding us, but the next thing I knew, a loud pounding was coming from my front door. It took me a moment to realize what it was. Partly from the drug, partly from the intensity of feeling Cowboy's hands on my body while in such a heightened state, but mostly, just because I didn't want to realize what it was. I wanted to stay like this forever.

I slowly staggered to my feet and sauntered to the front door, my body swaying involuntarily from the drug's influence. I moved to grip the handle, but missed, nearly falling over in the process, but caught myself against the wall and laughed. My half-lidded eyes looked over at Jasper, to see an intoxicated smile form across his lips.

I grabbed for the door handle again and this time managed to actually slip my hundred pound fingers around the knob and pull, a little too forcefully, because it slammed against the opposite wall with a loud _thud_.

"Whaddyawant" I slurred out.

I squinted into the bright daylight and attempted to quell my swaying, so I could see who would dare come to my door at this fucking hour. My eyes travelled up the lean torso of a tall, well-muscled man and a lazy grin spread across my lips as my eyes came into contact with a pair of the brightest, blazing jade eyes I had ever seen. I seductively slid one hand up the door jamb, keeping my arm outstretched, and resting my head in the crook of my elbow.

"Well, helloooo handsome" I purred out, lashing my tongue out across my lower lip before pulling it between my teeth.

"Uh-uh…" the man spluttered, "Is-uh, I mean, do you- fuck!" He swore, running a hand through his unruly bronze hair, his eyes travelling down my semi-nude body, coming to rest on my skimpy bra-clad chest.

The recognition of the voice brought Jasper back to himself and he was on his feet within seconds, rushing to the door and standing between my exposed body and the not-so-unwelcome early morning caller, his hands flying behind him, gripping my hips and pulling my body into his back, so I was fully covered in front of this other man.

"What do you want, Edward?" Jasper semi-growled at him. I felt the sound rumble through his back and into my body, my hands snaking around him and gripping his chest, nails digging in slightly. "Fuck Bells!" He hissed at me, which made me smile as I placed an open mouthed kiss on his back.

"You wanna come iiin, Edward?" I slurred languidly from behind Jasper, giggling to myself.

"Stop it Bella!" Jasper snapped at me, and I gave a pouty frown.

"I'll go put a damn shirt on, Cowboy. Invite your fucking friend in."

He sighed, but relented, moving out of the way so Edward could enter the house. I released Jasper and moved painfully deliberately slowly to the couch, smiling to myself as I could feel both pairs of eyes on my bare back. I turned back to them, only to see Jasper scowling angrily at Edward, while Edward watched me. I blew him a kiss and slid the previously discarded shirt over my head. "There, all better." I caught his eyes lingering on the open kits on the couch and the abandoned spoons on the floor. I titled my head and caught his eye, daring him to say something. He didn't.

"You want a beer, Edward?" I walked to the fridge and grabbed three, handing one to Jasper, my hand ghosting over his chest as I passed him, and handed another to Edward, opening mine and taking a sip.

"By the way, I'm Bella. Bella Swan." I smiled and held out my free hand.

"I-uh I know." He shook my hand and shot a glance at Jasper as if to say _You actually fucking did it man! _Jasper smiled smugly and gave a quick nod, which did not go unnoticed by me. I sat myself at the kitchen table, and kicked out the chair beside me, a motion for them to join me. They did. Jasper took the chair directly beside me, grabbing my leg and hitching it across his knee, his thumb rubbing circles on my calf, and Edward grabbed the chair at the far end of the table.

We sat in silence for a few moments, drinking our beers and looking back and forth between each other. Jasper finally spoke up. "Why are you here, Edward?" Edward quickly tore his eyes away from my leg and shot them up to Jasper's face.

"We haven't fucking seen you in almost 4 days, Jas. We've got a gig tomorrow, and the rest of your _friends_ were wondering if you were planning on coming to jam tonight." He then looked at me, pointedly. I raised my eyebrows in challenge, but Jasper intervened with a loud clearing of his throat.

"Yeah, I'll be there."

Edward looked like he was about to say something, but stopped. Opened his mouth, and stopped again. Finally, he sighed heavily and spoke, his eyes lingering on Jasper's arm a little too long.

"Jas-" He started, but he was cut off abruptly.

"Leave it the fuck alone, Edward." He growled, "If ya really want to bring it up, then we can start this here little heart-to-heart with your penchant for freebasing Crack when ya think no one's around." He spat out, which made Edward jolt back just a little, "but if ya wanna keep that little fuckin' secret between you, me and the beautiful Ms. Swan here, and I think you do, brother, then I'd leave what I do in my spare time outta the fuckin' conversation. Got it?"

Edward gulped a little and quickly brought his bottle to his lips, closing his eyes. I could see a tiny film of sweat starting to appear on his forehead.

Damn, my boy was _good_!

"I got it, brother." Edward finally managed with a heavy sigh.

"Cheers." Jasper said with a friendly smile, holding his beer out to Edward, they clinked bottles and all was well in their little world.

Changing the subject, Edward turned his gaze to me. "That's a beauty of a car you've got out there, Bella. What is it, a '73?"

"'71, actually." I smiled, my hand slipping into the pocket of Jasper's jacket that he had hung on the back of the chair the previous night, pulling out his pack of cigarettes and putting one in my mouth, looking at him for a light. He pulled his Zippo from his pocket and sparked it. I closed my eyes and inhaled, opening them again with my exhale and looked at Edward. "Cowboy over here keeps trying to get me to let him drive her. He doesn't seem to understand that it'll never fucking happen." I smirked and the two of them laughed.

"Where'd you get it? Must have set you back a pretty penny…"

"It was a _gift_." I exaggerated the last word.

"Gift?" Edward asked, eyes wide, "who the fuck would-"

"Lou bought it for me as a birthday present last year."

"Lou? As in Lou Reed?"

Jasper noticeably tightened at the mention of another guy's name. Namely, another guy who had a hell of a lot more money than he did, and could buy me presents he never could. I smiled and ran my fingers down his bare arm, soothingly.

"Yeah. We're good friends."

"Oh.." Was all Edward could manage, and the room fell silent again. Fucking boys. They can sleep with a thousand chicks and all is cool, but get a girl talking about having slept with a boy other than them, and the world falls the fuck apart. I rolled my eyes and finished my beer.

"So where are you guys playing tomorrow?"

"The Masque." Edward said, and I made a face. Ew. The Masque.

"Ya gonna come, Chere?" Cowboy asked, his voice full of hope.

"No_p_e." I popped the "p" and got up to get another beer.

"No?" He asked, obviously dejected. "Why not?"

"Because I hate the Masque, Cowboy," my voice came out whinier than I would have liked. "It's dirty and disgusting and depressing. The last time I went there with D-," I cleared my throat, "the last time I went there, I had a 12 year old kid ask me if I could score him some Heroin. You know how sad that is? That place is filled with kids who have been used, abused, chewed up and spit out by the people and world around them. It makes me sick and honestly makes me want to cry a little. I swore I'd never go back there."

"Oh." He pouted.

I sighed. "Look, how about this. I'll come with you to your practice tonight. I'll watch you jam, and you can do the excited thing and introduce me to all your little band mates, and I'll play nice, and then tomorrow, after the show, you can come back here, and we'll hang out."

Edward nearly choked on his beer at my use of "little band mates", but Cowboy was visibly happier.

"Yeah, you'll come tonight?"

I nodded.

"And you'll _play nice_?" There was warning in his voice, which made me snicker.

"I said I would, didn't I?"

"Yeah, peach, but that doesn't really mean anything. Shall we go into what happened with Jessica last night-"

"I never _said _I'd play nice with Jessica. Bitch had it coming."

Edward was watching our back and forth like it was a tennis match, and finally was too curious to keep his mouth shut.

"What happened with Jessica?" He asked eagerly.

"Bella here," Jasper started, "couldn't control her raging jealously.."

"I was NOT fucking jealous!" I scoffed, cutting him off.

"Oh _please!_" he laughed out loud, "Lie to yourself all you want, Chere" he teased me. I glared daggers at him, which made him laugh harder, "anyway," he continued, his eyes going back to Edward, "Bella happened to overhear Jessica talking about, well, her and I…" he trailed off for a moment, and I took the opportunity to interrupt. Again.

"I didn't happen to _overhear_. She was standing right fucking next to me. She was speaking so loud I'm surprised YOU didn't hear it from across the bar. She did it on purpose."

"Whatever. So Bella, being the crazy bitch that she is, proceeded to nearly strangle Jessica to death. Poor girl was the color of Bella's hair by the time I convinced her to let go. Oh, right, and she almost broke Lauren's nose in the process."

Edward let out a loud laugh and came close to knocking his beer over when he slammed his hand down on the table.

"Bitches had it coming." I reiterated with a scowl and crossed my arms over my chest.

Jasper squeezed my thigh. "You've got a mean right hook, baby." This made Edward laugh even louder, and forced me to actually crack a smile.

"You've really gotta come tonight, Bella," Edward managed between laughs. "The girls are going to fucking adore you."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." I looked at the clock on the wall, "But Cowboy and I are gonna need to get a little sleep before we do anything tonight, so you're gonna have to head out, Edward, darling."

He nodded and finished his beer, standing and walking to the door. "8 o'clock Jas, I'll see ya there. It was nice meeting you, Bella." He smirked, and I knew what he really meant was _"it was nice seeing you half-naked Bella". _I nodded and opened the door for him. As soon as I had it closed, Jasper was behind me, pushing me face first against the door, and grinding into my back.

"You're a bad girl, Miss Swan. Parading around half naked in front of my best friend like that." His voice rumbled in my ear. He slipped his hands up the front of my shirt, "No one should get to see these," he gave my tits a firm squeeze, causing me to yelp, "but me!" He finished with a growl and a hard bite to my neck.

"Cowboy!" I tried to make my voice sound more authoritative than it was at that very moment, but it came out as a squeak, "We need to sleep!"

He growled again and his hands went to the button of my pants, swiftly undoing them and pushing them down around my ankles "We'll sleep when _I _fuckin'say it's time. Got it?" He accentuated his final words by forcefully sliding a finger into me, making me squeal and breathe out a child-like "ok".

"Good girl" he purred in my ear and slipped his finger out. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me a little, making me bend at the middle. Before I even realized he had undone his own pants, he pushed himself roughly inside me, causing me to cry out and grab onto the door jamb for support.

"Fuck!" He barked out once he was fully inside. He pulled almost completely out and slammed into me again. My shoulder hit the corner of the wall with the force and I winced a little. "You… got what… you wanted… last night… little one," he panted in my ear with each violent thrust, "Now it's time… for me… to get what.. I want… ugnh… got it?"

"Oh… fuck yes!" I moaned as he continued to pound me from behind. His hand snaked up my back and he entwined his fingers in my hair, yanking my head back hard.

"Does that feel good, little Bella? Do you like what I do to you?" He rocked his hips against me, hitting all the right spots at once.

"God yes…" I panted, pushing myself back into him. He let go of my hair and gripped my hips with both of his hands. He came at me with a renewed frenzy of such force, I thought my entire body might just up and explode from the sheer ecstasy of it.

"Good.." He growled, and fell silent, save for the nonsensical grunts that escaped his lips, until his nails dug into me and he stopped moving, and I could feel him pulsing inside me.

Completely spent, he pulled out, and wrapped an arm around my waist, kissing my neck softly and chuckling in my ear. "Now it's time for bed," he whispered.

He let go of me long enough to shed his jeans, and pull up his boxers, before sweeping me into his arms and carrying me into the bedroom.

"You have a thing for carrying me like a fucking princess, eh?" I teased as he laid me in bed.

"Shut the fuck up and go to sleep," he smirked and climbed in, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned over and set my alarm for 6 o'clock, and we both passed out within seconds.

----------

My obnoxiously loud alarm went off, jolting us both awake and groaning at it. I slammed my hand down on the OFF button and rolled over to face Cowboy.

"Ugh, that has got to be the most annoyin' alarm I've ever heard, darlin'."

"It woke you up, didn't it? So shut up and take it like a man!" I grinned at him, and he threw himself on top of me.

"Take it like a man, huh? You want I should show you a thing or two about how I think _you _should take it, Chere?" He waggled his eyebrows at me, daring.

Laughing so hard I could barely breath, I managed to roll him off me and jump out of bed. "If we don't get up now, we won't make it to your jam session, and then we'll have to deal with one, or more, of your friends showing up at my fucking door again! So get up, ya lazy bastard!"

He chuckled but rolled out of bed anyway. "Yeah, I don't want Edward _ever_ walkin' in this house again." He looked at me pointedly, and pursed his lips.

"Oh, fuck off, jealous boy, and get your ass dressed, I'm getting in the shower."

"Need some comp'ny, Chere?" He flirted.

"No!" I stuck my tongue out at him and pointed towards the living room. "Go rummage around in my pants, or jacket out there. Should be a couple of vials of blow. Go chop some lines and I'll be out in 10 minutes. Bring me a beer though."

"You want a beer in the shower?"

"Yeah." I shrugged, "You don't drink in the shower?" He titled his head and cocked his eyebrows at me. "Ok… so… only me then?" I laughed and walked into the bathroom, discarding what was left of my clothes, which, truth be told, wasn't much, and turned the shower on. He came in a minute later and handed me a beer. "Thanks, sweets." I kissed his cheek and shooed him out of the bathroom.

Finishing my shower as quickly as possible, I got out, towel dried my hair, twisted up in a bun on top of my head and wrapped a towel around my body, going out into the kitchen to watch as the muscles in Jasper's bare arms flexed underneath the slight effort of chopping lines with a dulling razor. "You need a new one of these, Kitten, or at least sharpen this motherfucker, 'cause it ain't doin' fuckin' much."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I dismissed his bitching and ran my hands over his shoulders, kissing his jaw line. He handed me a straw he had snagged from the bar last night and held the mirror up to his shoulder for me. I snorted two lines and gave him back the straw. "Thank you," I pepped up and went to get dressed.

Three quarters of an hour later, I was finally ready and sitting on my couch, listening to a little Johnny Cash.

Hey, even the baddest of us can jive with Johnny!

_Come on you've gotta listen unto me,_

_Lay off that Whiskey, and let that Cocaine be._

I laughed as I opened my eyes and Jasper was kneeling at my feet, a bottle of Jameson in one hand, and the mirror, with more freshly cut lines in the other, offering it to me like I was Cleofuckingpatra.

"Sorry Johnny, but I just can't do that for ya." I smirked as I bent over the mirror for a line, sitting upright and swigging from the bottle.

"You know," I stared at Cowboy's retreating form as he did his own line from the table and then threw the bottle back in the cupboard, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were pretty damn perfect."

"Close enough, Chere."

"Close enough." I agreed and grabbed my jacket, following him out to the car.

Ok, so tomorrow. Tomorrow I would balls up and tell him we couldn't do this anymore. One more night won't hurt. Tomorrow for sure.

**________________________________________________________________________**

**AN:**

*******Collapsed Veins: When you shoot Heroin (or really anything intravenously) too many times into the same vein, it collapses. In some cases, it's a permanent injury, in others it's not, and the vein will resurface once the swelling has gone down. The result of collapsed veins in Heroin addicts leads them to have to find other veins to shoot in. Any vein will do, really, hence Jasper's not only being on his arm, but his rib cage, and neck too. The back of the knee is another common place, as is under the toe nails, if you're one who's afraid of getting caught. Johnny Thunders from the New York Dolls used to shoot into the veins in his penis when he couldn't find any others.**

**This fic was written entirely to Patti Smith's Gloria: **

**http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=xxygqSTO1lQ**

**Johnny Cash's Cocaine Blues: **

**http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=Aq344ks1ieg**

**And The New York Dolls' Trash:**

**http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=F0A19X1AISg**

**I think this is my favorite chapter so far. What do you guys think?**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Don't own, obviously. **

**Hey lovely readers! I'd like to apologize for how long it's taken me to update. Real life has been one massive cesspool of never ending drama and work lately. Aside from school, work and my son to take care of, my father was just recently diagnosed with diabetes, so I've been staying with him to take care of him. Then, two weeks ago, my laptop gets a virus, so I had to reboot my entire system, losing everything I've ever written, AND my damn copy of MS Works. In the end, I downloaded a new copy of it, and everything was recovered, thank the Gods, but it just seemed like the shit storm was never going to end! Thankfully, it HAS! So I present to you Chapter 6 of Hell Bent. I hope you all enjoy it… it's only taken me 3 months to finish, haha!**

**Also, I apologize for the terrifying mental pictures of heroin injected penises… didn't realize how terrifying that would come off to those of us in the room who are **_**not**_** ex drug addicts XD Please forgive me y'all.**

* * *

**JPOV**

I've said it before and I'll say it again. This little girl was going to be the death of me. She had me wound so fucking tight, I didn't know whether I was coming or going. One minute, she was ready to kill a bitch for talking about me and the next she was happily walking around half naked in front of some other guy. I never knew what was going through that mind of hers and it was driving me insane.

I knew how I felt about her. How could I not? She was incredible. But I could never tell how she felt. She changed her mind at the drop of a hat.

Or the drop of a needle.

Whatever. Same difference.

I knew that in order to get to the bottom of everything, to really get to her, I needed to learn more about her past. About this Darby fella. What I didn't know was all of that was about to come to a head. A lot sooner than I expected. In a very unexpected, and unwelcome way. And I wasn't ready for it.

----------

She seems on edge as we drive in silence to my jam space and I can't, for the life of me, make my mouth connect properly to my brain in order to form words of concern, or solace, or, well, just any kind of fucking words, really. Pull in and park and she cuts the engine and sighs heavily. "Grab me my flask from the glove compartment, please." She gestures her head toward the glove box.

"You nervous, or somethin', darlin'. You don't seem like you're doing too well over there."

"I'll be fine." She half-snaps at me and snatches the silver flask from my hand, taking a long swig.

"Mind tellin' a boy what exactly there is to be gettin' fine about?"

"What?" She gives me the most incredulous, are-you-actually-speaking-English look.

"You said you _will _be fine, sugar, not that you _are _fine. There's a difference."

"Oh, whatthefuckever." She slips a hand down the neck of her shirt and pulls out that familiar orange vial. "Just cut me a fucking line on the dashboard and shut the fuck up for a minute, will you?" She growls.

I sneer at her, but go about chopping the lines anyway. "Listen girlie," I start, my own attitude getting the better of me, "I'll take a lot of shit from a chick when the shit is due, but don't you be gettin' all snappy with me for no fuckin' reason whatsoever, ya hear?"

She turns her head menacingly slowly and I swear the girl is trying to bare her teeth at me. "Excuse me?"

"Ya heard me, darlin'. I don't know what the fuck is goin' on in that pretty little head a' yours, but either you're gonna drop the Queen Bitch attitude, and come in here with me an' make nice, or you can grab your blow and your flask and your fuck-me boots and take your sweet ass on home. I ain't playin' no more."

She's quiet for a long moment. I watch her, waiting for that right hook of hers to come straight at my face. _Hit me sugar_, I dare her in my mind. She balls her tiny right fist, and I'm sure it's coming. A small smile plays across my lips. I've gotten my fair share of licks growing up, from guys and girls, and I sure as hell am not about to be afraid of some little chick who thinks she's tough because she carries around a pair of brass knuckles. I have no problem puttin' down a girl who tries to put me down first. Mama wouldn't be too proud, but then again, mama ain't around no more.

She growls and grabs a bill from her jacket pocket, rolling it between her tense little fingers. "You're a fucking dick."

"No sugar, I _have _a dick. I _am _a bastard."

"That too." she mumbles under her breath and leans over me to snort one of the lines I'd set up on my side of the dash. She sits back up, closes her eyes and sniffs hard, teasing the Novocaine-taste***** down with another shot of the Jameson in her flask. She hands me the bill and the flask and I quickly follow suit.

"There. We all calm and copasetic now, sugar?"

She sneers at me and huffs a little, before leaning back in her seat, a resigned look on her face. "Yeah, I'm good."

"Good. Ya wanna tell me what the fuck that little fit was all about then? Cause these roller coaster ups and downs, girl, they're throwing me for a fucking loop."

She sighs angrily and shoots me a look that would have made good ol' Charlie Manson run screaming for his mama.

_Helter Skelter, she's coming down fast._

"Can we just get this over with and talk, or whatever, when we get back to my place?"

"Yeah, fine. Whatever." I growl and get out of the car, slamming my door behind me.

She follows me and comes around to my side of the car, sliding her hands up my chest, trying to get the scowl now plastered to my face to extricate itself. "Come on, Cowboy, let's go in and meet the friends. I'll be nice. Promise." She says in her sweetest voice, batting her eyelashes.

"Roller coaster, Bella." I sigh, and I suddenly began to notice that this roller coaster we're on isn't as safe as I had originally thought. I can almost hear the metal screeching, and bolts loosening with each of her mood swings. One of these days, the tracks are gonna snap, and we'll both plummet to our deaths.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. Look, all better." She closes her eyes and kisses me softly, having to lift herself up on her toes to reach me. As soon as those puffy pink lips touch my own, I'm tangled again in her little web. Black Widow this one was. I smile around her lips and give her ass a quick squeeze.

"Ok, sugar, let's go." I release her and grab her hand, walking her inside.

The jam space is run down and falling apart. Paint peels from the walls at every turn and watermarks on the ceiling drip-drip-drip little moisture droplets into the buckets situated on the floor under them. Dragging equipment up the stairs is always a hassle, and once you reach the top, you always make sure to thank whatever God you believe in for letting you make it without the stairs giving out from under you, or the railing collapsing beside you. There are bathrooms on every floor, but you always made sure you never had to use them. They make the bathroom in the Masque look like the Ritz. I remember once, poor Rose had to go so bad, that she decided to take the risk and ventured in there. Of course, there was no toilet paper, so she ended up having to use the pages from an old porn mag she had found on the floor.

She's never lived that down. Edward and I laughed for weeks about it. And just to piss her off more, for a year after that incident, one of us would bring her a copy of Playboy whenever we jammed.

She never managed to find it as funny as we did.

I debate telling Bella that little story, just to give her some ammo, should she need it, but think better of it at the last minute. Don't want the two of them to end up in jail. Or the morgue.

_Wonder who would come out on top._

_Mmm... On top__…_

I shake my head to clear those thoughts as we reach the door to our space. I turn to see Bella quickly throwing the cap back onto her flask and shoving it in her pocket.

"Nervous?" I chuckle.

She shakes her head and a coy smile spreads across her lips. "I brought party favors." She winks and motions for me to open the door.

Turning the knob, I'm suddenly gripped with panic. Alice will be nice. She's always nice. But Rose, Rose is scary when she wants to be. I know Bella can handle herself, but I begin to wonder if this is a good idea. My girl obviously doesn't like other chicks, and Rose doesn't like anybody.

"Just open the fucking door already. It'll be fine. Trust me." She whispers in my ear, forcing me to move.

We walk in and Edward immediately jumps up to greet us. Alice puts her bass down and skips to the front door beside Edward. Rose just stares at us from behind her drum kit. The Ice Queen cometh.

Bella smoothly, albeit annoyingly, kisses Edward on both cheeks before nearly getting attacked by Alice, who has jumped into her arms.

"Oh Bella!" She coos. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

Bella flounders under the pixie's grasp, her arms flailing, obviously not wanting to wrap them around the little one. She opts for patting her on the head. "Ok, little leprechaun, you can let me go now. I'm not here to steel your pot of gold." I subtly jab her in the ribs with my elbow; a silent reminder of her promise to play nice.

I swear I hear Rose snort from the back of the room, but when I turn my gaze on her, she is solemn and controlled like always. Alice releases Bella from her grasp, not phased in the least by the attempted insult.

Bella gives me an apologetic look and turns back to Alice. "You play a mean bass." She gives her favorite forced smile, and Alice is overjoyed, not being able to tell the difference.

"Thanks!" Alice bounces on the balls of her feet, expending more energy in ten seconds that I'd used all day. I always told her that cocaine is _not _a good drug for her. Someone with that much energy does not need anymore. She never listened, and now, I'd be surprised if Alice sleeps at all.

"Ok…" I wrap an arm around Bella's shoulders. "You know Edward. The 'leprechaun'", I chide her with her own words, "is Alice. And that over there," I nod my head to the stone-cold bitch behind the drum kit, "is Rosalie."

Like all predatorily inclined animals when sensing a potential threat to their dominance, Bella's Alpha-Female mode kicks in, and she strides calmly to Rose's drum kit. "Bella" she says curtly, holding her hand out. Rose looks at it, then back to her face and to the hand again, finally making a little noise in the back of her throat and grasping Bella's hand roughly. The two stare at one another for what seems like hours, and I think for a moment that I should run to the corner store and call in the SWAT team or the Bomb Squad. All the king's horses and all the king's men. _Someone_ to break this stronghold going on between them.

"Let it go, Rose." Edward warns softly. Her eyes snap to him and she releases Bella's grasp.

"Let it go?" She asks in her most patronizing tone, and I know the proverbial shit has hit the imaginary fan. "Let it go, you say? We haven't seen Jasper in days because this… this… groupie _whore-__"_

_Uh oh._

Rose doesn't even have the chance to finish that sentence before Bella lunges over the drums and tackles her to the ground, little fingers tightening around Rose's throat.

Just like a fucking predator. My girl always goes for the throat first.

"What the fuck did you call me you frigid Amazonian cunt?" Bella's voice echoes through the room, but all I hear are the loose bolts of our roller coaster tinkling a thousand feet to the ground below. Maybe it's just the sound of Rose's cymbals hitting the floor, but I doubt it.

"Get the fuck off me you fucking psychopath!" Rose growls between gasping breaths.

Edward is the first to react, running around the drums and trying to grab at Bella, who now has a death grip on Rose's throat. Alice slaps my back and I barely hear the words "Do something!" squeak out from between her carefully painted lips. I snap out of it and run to Edward's side, my hand closing around Bella's wrist.

"Let her go, Sugar. Come on; please let her go, for me?" I feel her fingers tense infinitesimally before she finally lets go, and I help her up, Edward doing the same with Rose.

She pants in my arms, growling like a rabid dog. "Calm down now, sweetness, just calm it down." I whisper to her, and her breathing slowly comes under control, but the two Alphas continue to glare daggers at each other. Bella is the first to verbally attack.

"You don't fucking know me, Ice Queen-"

"I know enough, you fucking skank-"

"Say it again. Say it again and I'll rip your tongue from your pretty little-"

"Skank-"

"You wanna test me, bitch-"

"No, but you should probably get tested-"

And then the most unexpected thing happens. Bella doubles over in my arms like she's been kicked square in the stomach. I move her long hair out of the way to see her face, and what I see strikes me completely dumb. She's fucking laughing. I look at her in shock, and if I'm being honest, a little bit of horror. I think she's finally snapped. She's finally gone mad. Alice in Wonderland mad. I expect to see the White Rabbit skipping along, checking his pocket watch.

I turn to Rose to see that she too, has gone insane. She's dropped to her knees and is laughing harder than I've ever seen her laugh. Edward, Alice and I just look between each other, unsure of what to do. Do we call those men in white coats you're always hearing about?

Finally catching her breath, Bella looks at Rose with the biggest smile on her face, still forcing down the subsiding chuckles. She slips a hand in her pocket and takes out her flask, uncapping it and taking a long sip before tossing it to Rose, who does the same.

"Ok…." I start, trying to fill in the awkward silence after the Battle Royale, and then the escape to Wonderland. "Now that we all know each other…"

Rose was the first to stand and she holds her hand out to Bella, helping her to her feet.

"Umm… shall we get to practicing?" Edward murmurs awkwardly, moving out of striking distance, should the Red Queen happen to run by requesting our heads on a platter, and picks up his guitar.

Bella retrieves the flask from Rose and puts it back in her pocket before pulling her little, cylindrical, orange friend out of its confines in her bra. "Lines first?" she offers. No one refuses.

"Fucking white rabbit." I mutter under my breath only to get a quizzical look from the ladies. Shaking my head, as if to say _nothing, forget it_, I sit down on my stool, waiting for the party favors to be passed around.

Bella and Rose, now seemingly the best of friends, sit on the floor, cross-legged, in front of each other, and use Alice's bass amp as a makeshift table between them, on which to dole out the drugs. The two work like a fucking assembly line: Bella pulls a mirror out of her purse and taps an ample amount of blow on it, passing the mirror to Rose who instinctively pulls a razor blade out of her bra

_Who the fuck keeps razor blades in their bra?!_

and begins chopping the lines while Bella rolls a bill between her fingers. Once Rose is done cutting up the lines, she passes the mirror back to Bella, who sniffs a line and once again hands the mirror and the bill to Rose. It's a fucking sight to see, to say the least. Like the two were fucking meant for each other. I almost feel the need to leave them alone and give them some privacy. Almost.

They both stand and Rose hands the bill first to Edward, who does his line, then to Alice, and finally to me. Drugs over and done with, the vial and razor blade are returned to their respective bras, and the ladies continue to chat like they're old friends, Alice, having found her way over, has joined in the girl talk. Edward and I look at each other, to them and back again, wondering what the fuck we're supposed to do now.

Within seconds, the drugs hit me, full force, and I feel like I'm almost thrown backwards, as I stumble to find a chair, before my ass hits the floor. As the drugs make their way through my body, and I fight through the haze to keep my eyes open long enough to take inventory of my three other band members, I realize, when my eyes land on Bella's smiling face, that her orange vial of "party favors" weren't what she had originally led us to believe they were. I focus my eyes on her as I fight to outwit this part of the high. Bella, sitting now on the bass amp, leaning backwards, smiling, eyes closed, allowing the drugs to take their full effect on her. It's then that I come to terms, once and for all, with the fact that I really wasn't going to survive this girl. I would die before I was ever able to fix Bella. Beautiful Bella, whose big brown eyes and pouty, painted lips could weaken the knees of even the toughest of men. Bold, brazen Bella, who kicks ass first and asks questions later. Brutal, broken Bella, who, without a second thought, just poisoned myself and my band mates, shoving her own concoction of Heroin and God-knows-what, up our noses. Misery loves company, as they say, and Bella was the most miserable human being I had ever met. And she had me wrapped around her little, perfectly manicured finger.

Bad, bad Bella.

My mind raced through the drugged fog, trying to hold on to one coherent thought to pull me through this. What the fuck had she done to us? It wasn't just H. Of that, I was completely fucking positive. I can take Heroin. I've been a fucking junkie for years. There was something else. Something I couldn't put my finger on. And why the fuck hadn't we been this buzzed when we did lines in the car? Did she switch vials when I wasn't looking? Did she have two vials hidden in that fucking bra of hers? If that was the case, then maybe she didn't do it on purpose. Maybe this was all an accident.

Bella's evil fucking cackle floating to me from across the room told me immediately, that it wasn't an accident.

Bitch.

Fucking evil, conniving, twisted little cunt.

Opening my eyes again, I find myself face to face with a crawling (slithering little snake), Bella, on her hands and knees, making her way to me.

"Just ride it out, baby."

She reaches me and slides her hands up my knees.

"Fucking… bitch…" I gasp out between gritted teeth and am met, once again, with her high pitched, maniacal genius cackle.

"What…?" I ask, as she slides her tight little body onto my lap, wraps her arms around me, and bites my earlobe gently. I can't even find the strength to pull away.

"Valium, Cowboy. The only thing it's mixed with is Valium. Calm down and enjoy the fun."

I try to shake my head, but am unsure if it even moves. "Why?"

I can feel her shrug her shoulders. "For fun."

"Fun?" My seething anger seems to somewhat cut through the sedation, and I'm able to move. Slightly. I turn to look at her. "Fun? This… this is fun for you?" She smiles. I want to hit her. I've never wanted to hit a girl so bad in my life. "Poisoning strangers…is fun for you?"

"Oh, poison, my ass!" She snorts. "They were all looking to put something up their noses tonight. I just gave 'em something they weren't expecting is all. It's not like I forced them into anything."

I push her off my lap and only care for a millisecond about the fact that she seems to hit the ground hard. "You're…disgusting, Bella." I'm livid now. Glaring daggers at her. "You're revolting, Bella. You're a sick fuck. Do you know that? You're fuckin' miserable in your own little make-believe life, so you have to drag down others with you. You're like a fuckin' plague. Suckin' the fuckin' life out of everyone that gets near you, until either they end up dead, or they just can't take you anymore, and leave your sorry ass. Until you're alone. Again." She stares at me for a while. Pure, seething hatred seeping from her entire being. Finally, she stands and runs out of the room in a huff. Not long after, I hear her car start and peel out of the parking lot.

After checking to see that the others were alright-they were…and quite enjoying their unexpected highs-I leave the jam space and walk my fucked up and angry ass home. The walk is almost unbearable. For summer in California, it's freezing out-though that could just be the drugs-and I'm shaking like a leaf. The normally twenty minute walk takes me an hour, and by the time I finally make it back to my apartment, I'm sweating and shivering, my knees are weak and my rage is at the boiling point. I grab a beer from the fridge and sit on my couch to calm myself, before trying to figure out what the fuck I was going to do next. I get two sips into my beer, two fucking sips, and the phone rings.

"Yeah?" I answer, crabby as fuck.

"Jasper Whitlock?" some guy says on the other end.

"Yeah" I say again.

"Do you know a Bella Swan?"

"Well now, that depends. Who's asking?"

"Mr. Whitlock, my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen from Cedars-Sinai Medical Center."

"What? Doctor? Wait, what? What-what's wrong?" My finally slowed heartbeat begins racing again, the moment I hear the word "Doctor".

"Mr. Whitlock, do you know Bella Swan?"

"Yes! Yes, I fucking know her. What the fuck is going on?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Whitlock, but Miss Swan has been in an accident."

My heart simultaneously sinks into my stomach and leaps into my throat. My knees buckle, my stomach flips and I hit the ground. I swallow furiously, trying to get my throat to open up again, so I can form actual words, instead of just the gurgling sounds that are coming from my mouth.

"What?" I finally whisper to the anonymous man on the other end.

"She's been in a car accident, Mr. Whitlock. She's been hurt, but she's stable."

"She's…" I start, not wanting to even form the words I've been thinking in the back of my mind. "She's alive?" I choke.

"Yes, Mr. Whitlock-"

"Jasper. My name is fucking Jasper!" I cut him off. Fear and confusion are clouding any rational thought I may have.

"Yes, Jasper," he starts again, "She's alive."

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and gasp for a moment. "You don't think you could have fuckin' started with that?" I scream into the phone.

"I apologize, Mr…Jasper-"

"Room number" is all I manage between my crippling fear and my burning anger, while my free hand fumbles around a desk drawer, searching blindly for a pen.

"Jasper, I said she was stable, but she's still in Intensive Care. Only family is allowed to see her, until-"

"She's my wife."

_She's my what-now?_

_Did I just say what I think I did?_

_Note to self: Think first, speak second._

"She's your wife?" he asks, not convinced in the least. I'm not surprised.

"Yes. And I'm the only fuckin' family she has. I'm on my way" before he has a chance to say another word, I slam the phone down and work on getting my knees-that are now the consistency of jelly, to move.

I make my way to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. It stings my cheeks. I'll tell you this much, nothing smacks you back down to the land of the sober like fear. And that phone call put the fear in me.

I leave the bathroom and run through my apartment, trying to frantically hunt down my damn leather jacket. Where the fuck is it? I'm trying to retrace my steps from the moment I came into my apartment tonight. Walk in, go to the fridge, grab a beer, sit on the couch, answer the phone, hit the floor. No jacket in sight. Did I go into my bedroom? I run into my bedroom, but it's not there. What the fuck did I do with it? I run back into the living room, and throw the cushions off the couch. It's not there either! I check the kitchen again, then the bathroom, and it's nowhere. Am I going crazy? Maybe I left it in my bedroom. I run down the hall again, and this time, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I'm still wearing my fucking jacket. I never took it off. My knees buckle and I'm on the ground again, pounding my fist into the hard wood floor. I double over, pressing my forehead into the cool surface, legs pulled right up to my stomach, arms outstretched above my head. My heart is beating a rhythm against my chest; my knuckles are white from being stretched tight over my clenching fists. And I'm crying. I don't know whether it's the fear of Bella dying or the drugs still kicking around my system, or both, but I haven't cried in years, and now I can't seem to stop.

I realize, now, that I'm broken. Fully and completely. An hour ago, I was cursing her name and now, faced with losing the girl who poisoned me without a second thought, I'm a quivering mess on the floor. She's broken me. I'm a shell of the man I was before I met her. I'm nothing without her and I'm internally disgusted with myself for it. And all I want; all I need, is to see her. I am a puppet. Her puppet; and a puppet needs a master. So I pick myself up off the floor, stumble into the bathroom to wash my face again, and run down the 7 flights of stairs to my car.

I pull out of the parking lot of my apartment building, and into the one reserved for visitors at Cedars-Sinai in ten minutes flat. I run to the automatic sliding doors, almost smacking right into them, as they don't open fast enough, and to the long row of elevators. My shaking hand reaches out for the UP button and pushes it furiously, while my toe taps an impatient rhythm on the polished linoleum floors.

The elevator takes too long, so I follow the signs that say "STAIRS" and slam through the double doors, taking the steps two at a time until I reach the 8th floor. As I come to the reception desk, I'm sweating and panting and gasping for air. I've run more today than I have in the last decade of my life.

"Can I help you?" comes the nasally voice of the overweight, overworked, underpaid and unsympathetic nurse behind the counter.

"Swan," I manage to gasp between shaking breaths. "Bella Swan."

The nurse looks me up and down, taking in my leather jacket, beaten up cowboy hat, long hair, and sweaty face, and I suddenly want to jump across the counter and rip her throat out.

"Are you family?" she asks without emotion.

"Yes I'm family. She's my fucking wife."

She glares at me again. "You're not wearing a wedding ring." she points out. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

"Couldn't afford them."

"Can I see some ID, please?" I whip out my wallet and hand her my driver's license. She examines it for a moment before looking at me over the top of her glasses. "She didn't take your last name?"

I let out an exasperated growl and the frustration I had been holding in is released. "What is this, fucking twenty questions? I'm done here, where the fuck is she?" I leave the reception desk and walk through the closed doors marked ICU. The nurse tries to follow, waddling far behind me as I search for her.

"Sir! Sir! You can't be in here."

I ignore her and continue my search, until I feel a pair of hands grab my shoulders. "You're not allowed back here." I turn my head and match a face to the disembodied voice from the terrifying phone call.

"Dr. Cullen?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"Mr. Whitlock" he nods his head.

"Where's Bella?"

"Jasper, please understand. As we have no way of verifying that she is, in fact, _you're wife, _I'm afraid I cannot let you in to see her."

"Dr. Cullen, you're going to let me see her if I have incapacitate you in order to do so. My mama raised a gentleman, but that don't mean I'm gonna let you stand in the way of me seeing my girl when she needs me."

I raise my hand and grab his, releasing his fingers from my shoulder. Nothing would stop me from finding Bella. Nothing, that is, until I turn my head and lay eyes on two very large, very intimidating security guards. I turn back to the good doctor and shake my head. "You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me here, Doc" he just shrugs his shoulders. I give me my famous cocky smile and turn again to face the guards. I raise my hands above my head and grin, "let's get it on then, boys."

We glare at each other for a moment. I'm waiting for them to make a move. One reaches for some sort of cheap security-guard nightstick and I crack my knuckles. We take a step towards one another, and then one more. As I bend my knees to rush at him, a tiny little voice stops me dead in my tracks.

"Cowboy?" she calls out to me. Her voice sounds so small, like the squeak of a mouse.

"Yeah, baby, I'm here. Trying to get to you." I call back to her.

"Cowboy, please don't get arrested."

"Don't really want to, darlin', but these very large men here, don't seem to want to let me pass."

"They won't even let a man come see his wife in the hospital?"

"Miss Swan," the good Doctor jumps in, walking towards her open door "you mean to tell me this man really is your husband?"

"Yes, Doctor, he is. Now, I suggest you let him through." Even when in obvious pain, the girl could still sound intimidating. Needless to say, Doctor Seuss finally lets me pass and I walk past him, into the room, smug smile curling at my lips when I give an obnoxious wave goodbye to him and his rent-a-cops.

I turn to face my girl and nearly walk right into one of the two police officers standing at the foot of her bed.

"Boys," she coos to them in her pained mousy voice, "do you think you could give us a few minutes?" They nod solemnly at her and leave us alone, no doubt standing just beyond the closed door.

We stare at each other in silence for a moment, and I get the chance to give her a subtle look over. She's got an IV in one hand. The needle looks gigantic in her pale, thin skin. Her face is covered in bruises and cuts and bandages. Her eyes look like they'll blacken in a day or two. Her pouty bottom lip, the one I dream about biting every night, is split, and dried blood darkens the white skin of her chin. I want to jump in bed with her and hug her tight, but I have no idea what other injuries may lay beneath the blanket, so I just stand there and stare back at her. I think we're both just trying to figure out what to say. Finally, I break the silence. "What the fuck?" Those three words are all I can think to say, but I think they managed to convey exactly what I was feeling about everything that had happened tonight.

_Why would you do that to me?_

_What happened?_

_Are you ok?_

_Why are the cops here?_

_What's going on?_

_What can I do?_

She shakes her head, and I think it's to tell me that it's too much right now. So I decide to go with something easier.

"What happened?"

"Car accident."

I sit in the chair beside her bed and she reaches her hand out for mine. I take it happily, stroking the back of her tiny hand with my thumb. "I figured that, Sugar. Care to elaborate?"

She shrugs and frowns and I wonder if maybe she can't remember what had happened.

"I was driving home. I was angry. You said some not nice things," she looks at me, looks down, continues, "I turned onto the Strip and pulled my vial out to do a quick hit," she shrugs, "then I woke up here, handcuffed to the bed." She lifts her left hand and shakes it, jingling the chain against the metal bedframe. I lift her right hand to my lips and kiss it. She smiles and strokes my cheek.

"I didn't think you'd come," she says softly, "after…everything."

"You're crazier than I thought you were then." She gives a little laugh, but starts coughing almost immediately. I reach for a glass of water on the table beside me and hand it to her. She takes a sip and a deep breath.

"Broke a couple of ribs, apparently" she says when she catches her breath.

"How many's a couple?"

"Five" she smiles sheepishly, causing her busted bottom lip to split a little more and a fresh droplet of blood trickle down to her chin. I grab a tissue and dab at it. It makes her wince. My heart breaks.

"Are you ok?" I ask her.

"I'm alive" she shrugs. "I'm better now that you're here though" she adds quickly and I can tell how hard it is for her to try and be sweet. I swallow back a chuckle. "Betty's gone though." I swear she choked back a sob. "She's totaled."

"We'll get her fixed, baby. Don't worry about it." How did I plan on getting her fixed? No idea. "What's the deal with the cops, babe?"

"They found everything. Everything" she over-articulates her last word. "Apparently, as soon as I get out of here, I'm going to jail, or something. Possession of a controlled substance, and all that" she shrugs. I'm so sick and tired of her fucking shrugs. Like she's so fucking hard that nothing bothers her. Nothing scares her. Not even fucking jail. I call bullshit and I call it hard.

"Did you really just fucking shrug at the prospect of going to jail, Bella?"

"What am I supposed to do, Whitlock? Cry about it? I'm in the fucking hospital. You want I should get up and run away from the big scary men with guns standing outside my door?"

"Look, I highly doubt you'll be dragged to jail as soon as you're released. They'll probably give you a court date, and then sentencing. You usually get off with a slap on the wrist for a first offense."

She laughs and condescendingly pats my cheek, "Aww, that's so cute! First offense."

"Whatever" I spit. "Regardless. You're not gonna be hauled off to jail right away. So we'll figure something out. Wait. Why are the cops stationed in your room anyway? Like you said, it's not like you can run away."

"Oh, well, I might've attacked Dr. Cutie Pie and Nurse Ratched when I first woke up."

"Might have, Bella? Wait, Dr. Cutie Pie?" She winks and wiggles her eyebrows.

"You jealous of the big, bad doctor, Cowboy? Think he's gonna come and steal your fucked up, junkie girlfriend away from you?"

She catches me smirking at her slip up and throws a pillow at me. Being unprepared during my inner celebration, it hits me square in the face.

"Hey, the fact that you're adorable-and have a great arm-will not get you out of explaining to me the story behind your attacking random people. Spill it Swan."

"There's nothing to spill," she winces as she sits up so I can put the pillow back behind her head, "I woke up, in this fucking hospital gown, which means someone had to undress me, in a strange place, with strange people poking and prodding at me. I freaked."

"You were scared."

"Ha! I was not scared, Cowboy. I was just…startled. By the way, I still have no idea where my fucking clothes are, and I'd very much like my leather jacket back."

"I'll find it for you, darlin', but for now, you should get some rest. You're in pain, I can tell. Go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."

She yawns, as if to justify my words, and closes her eyes. "Cowboy?" she whispers.

"Yeah, angel?"

"Will you come and lay with me?" How can I refuse that kind of request? I gently crawl into bed beside her and wrap an arm around her chest being careful not to touch any of her ribs. She leans her head closer to me, breathes deeply at the collar of my jacket, kisses my cheek and falls asleep.

We stay like this for a week. Sometimes the nurses kick me out of her bed once she's asleep; sometimes they let me stay there for the night. Nurse Ratched, as Bella calls her, learned early on that if Bella's awake when she tries to make me get out of the bed, there's going to be hell to pay. I'm right about the police, too. Once they see that Bella's no longer a threat to anyone, they leave with a warning that she'll be getting a letter in the mail stating her court date and time. Finally, at the end of the week, Bella's ribs are healed enough for me to take her home. We're both ecstatic as she's getting grumpier by the day, I'm in desperate need of a shower, and we're both dying for something other than hospital food. Not to mention we're both starting to go into withdrawals. Any longer at the hospital and they would be very noticeable, and I'm running out of excuses as to why I can't sneak in a fix.

The day of her release, I help her to dress slowly, and ease her gently into the wheel chair she's forced to use. She's not happy about having to use it. Something about her not needing anyone's help. Stubborn as always, my girl. I lift her mood by surprising her with her missing leather jacket, which I had to bribe the janitor for. Apparently it had somehow made its way to the lost and found. Cost me 100$ to get that damn jacket back. But when I see her face light up at the sight of it, the money means nothing. I could never figure out what it was about that damn jacket. It was so old. I offered to buy her a new one, but she insisted that she _had _to have that one back. So I got it. I'd do anything for her.

I wheel her to my car; cue the bitching about the wheel chair, and then the sad grumbling about Betty. You'd think she'd lost a best friend. I continue to promise that we'll get Betty fixed and help her slowly into the car.

"Please, please tell me you picked up when you went home the last time," she nearly begs as soon as we're both in the car. She's shaking and scratching desperately at her arms and I'm thankful she was released today. Neither of us would have been able to survive another night in the hospital, trying to act normal.

"What do you think, Sugar?" I wink at her.

"I think you're awesome."

"And you'd be right with that assumption, babe."

I pull into her driveway and cut the engine, jumping out to get her door before she can try to do it herself. I help her into the house and into her bedroom, laying her gently on the bed.

"I'm a broken girl, Cowboy, and you're still trying to get me into bed? Naughty, naughty Cowboy!" she teases as I take her jacket off and ease her shirt over her head, tossing them both on the floor. I pull my kit out of the inside pocket of my jacket and flash it at her. Her eyes go wide and her sass stops immediately.

"Yeah, that's what I thought" I tease back. She sticks her tongue out at me and stretches her arm, palm up, towards me. I take my own jacket and shirt off and toss them beside hers.

"God, you're gorgeous when you're shirtless and getting ready to shoot me up," she purrs and I roll my eyes at her.

"Keep your eyes on the prize here, Sunshine, there'll be plenty a' time for fun once those ribs a' yours are all healed up." She laughs and opens and closes her fists. I take the opportunity to say something I've been meaning to, "You know babe," I begin with a shaky breath, we are gonna have to have a little talk about the shit you pulled at the jam space."

She sighs, "I know, Jazz, just… not right now, ok?"

"Sure darlin'. Not right now."

I tie her arm off and give it a good tap. I fix up the junk and spike her vein and, honestly, get more than a little hard watching her face when the burning liquid hits her bloodstream. She bites her bottom lip, her breathing gets faster and she looks up at me between half closed lids. She's pure sex, even in her injured state. I can't wait until those damn bandages come off. She grabs for my hand and gives it a squeeze. "Come with me, Cowboy." Forcing my mind out of the gutter, I realize that she wants me lay down with her and shoot myself up. I move myself to the other side of the bed and lay down, taking the elastic from her arm and tying myself off. I spike my own vein and just manage to undo the elastic and pull the needle out before I'm nodding off beside her, her hand in mine, and I'm in heaven.

I'm dragged out of my haze a few hours later by Bella slowly trying to get out of the bed.

"What's wrong, Darlin'?"

"Nothing babe, I'm just gonna grab a couple beers. I'll be right back."

"Let me get them, Bella. You shouldn't be walking around too much yet."

She stands on shaky legs and bends with a groan to grab her jacket from the floor, swinging it around her shoulders and slipping her arms in. "I can't live like that, Cowboy. I can't live having someone else do everything for me, even if it's temporary. Let me do it."

I shake my head, but nonetheless let her do it.

She limps into the kitchen and I can hear her grabbing the walls and counter as she goes. I hear the fridge door open and the sound of bottles clanking together as she reaches to grab two. I hear her wince as she's bent over and then I hear the front door open. For a minute I think my ears had been fucking with me and she was actually trying to make an escape. And then I hear an unfamiliar male voice. It's muffled, but I can make out the words.

"That's my fucking jacket."

I hear Bella gasp at the sound of the voice. I hear the bottles hit the ground with a deafening crash. I hear the shattered glass scattering across the marble floor. And then I hear one word coming from my girl's mouth that turns my entire world upside down. In that one word I hear pain, sadness, fear. I hear my happiness being taken from me. I hear my heart shattering like the bottles did.

I hear "Darby!"

**AN: So… what'd ya think? Worth the wait? **

***Novocaine taste: Cocaine is very often cut with Novocaine (you know, that stuff you get at the dentist's office?), so a lot of times, what you're sniffing will actually taste like Novocaine. It's gross. It's also often cut with baby laxatives… that's even worse than Novocaine.**

**Please review! I try to reply to all of them, if I have the time. I love you all. I especially love my gorgeous Sookieverse girls who kick my ass and keep me sane.**


	7. New Account Information

**AN: Sorry to disappoint those of you who were hoping this was an actual update. There WILL be one soon, I'm working on it, promise, but this is a little bit of a heads up for my readers.**

**My FFN account, as well as the email attached to it, have been hacked. After nearly a hundred attempts, I was finally able to log back into my FFN account. Someone had locked me out of both FFN and my email. **

**Despite the fact that I have been able to log back in, I'm not taking any chances. I will be deleting this account and all things associated with it. Fear not though, I will be reposting my stories on a new account.**

**Within the next few days, you will be able to find my new profile and stories here: **http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~joannajaguar

**Thank you to all of you who continue to follow me and my stories, despite my lack of updating often. I do apologize for that, but in the last 5 months, I've managed to break two desktops, a laptop and an iPhone. Technology doesn't like me. But, I've got a new laptop up and running and am currently working on updates for both **_**Hell Bent**_** and **_**Mine**_**, as well as a new story.**

**I love you all madly, and hope to see you over on my new account.**

**xoxo**


	8. Chapter 7

BPOV

"That's my fucking jacket." The words hit me like a ton of bricks and my mind and body go completely numb. I hear the smash as the beer bottles hit the ground and shatter, but it sounds like it's coming from miles away.

"Darby", I manage to whisper, and suddenly, I'm vaguely aware that there is warm beer pooling around me feet. Wait, why is the beer warm? I could have sworn I put it in the fridge. I can no longer feel any part of my body, as I go completely numb. I fall against the fridge, the pain from my ribs barely even registering, and slide down until my ass hits the cold, wet, sharp ground.

"Fucking shit, Isabella!" There's that voice again. The one I thought only resided in my mind, or in England, on my sane days. "What the fuck did you do that for?" And his arms are around me, lifting me into the air. The numbness comes back as I find myself in his embrace once more, after two years of thinking I'd never see him again. I'm placed, ever so gently onto the couch, and I find myself wondering when the fuck Darby got gentle.

"What the fuck happened?" I hear another voice, coming from the door of my bedroom. Cowboy. I smile, my eyes closed. I may or may not have retreated into my own little fantasy land when faced with the oncoming dramatics.

"Who the fuck are you?" Darby screams, and I'm brought back to reality. Darby? And Cowboy? Oh fuck.

Cowboy completely ignores Darby's question and runs to my side, a look of concern on his face. Why is he all concerned?

"Bella, are you ok, kitten?"

I cock my head and look at him, puzzled. "Why wouldn't I be, Cowboy?"

"Um, darlin', take a look at what ya did to your feet there."

I look down at my feet and notice that the warm beer dripping off them wasn't actually beer, it was blood. Lots of blood. Oh. Fuck.

"Oh, fuck." I finally realize, "the beer bottles. Ow! Ow! Mother fucker, it stings!" You remember when you were little, and cuts never hurt until you saw the blood? That's what this was like, except the pain was from a whole bunch of glass shards, that had felt the desire to jump off the floor and embed themselves in my feet. "Cowboy, do something! It mother fucking hurts!"

"Hold on, darlin', let me grab some stuff from the bathroom."

"Who the fuck _are_ you?" Darby yells after him again, but is ignored once more. He turns to look at me again, "Isabella, so help me god, who the fuck is the half-naked Southerner?"

"Kinda preoccupied here, Darby, if you don't fucking mind. So shut the fuck up!" I scream at him, and he huffs and slams himself down beside me on the couch, sending a jolt of pain to my already sensitive ribs, and crossing his arms like a child.

Cowboy rushes out of the bathroom with bandages and tweezers and other fucking medical shit that I wasn't paying attention to, and bends in front of me to fix my feet. I watch him toss a very bloody washcloth in the garbage, and grab two beers from the fridge. He opens one and hands it to me, and keeps the other for himself. "Thanks, Cowboy" I mewl at him and take a sip.

"Ok, drama queen theatrics are done with now? Can I finally get an answer to my mother fucking question please?" Darby stands and attempts to look intimidating, squaring his shoulders and facing off with Cowboy, "I'm only going to say this once more, so I better get a fucking answer this time. Who. The fuck. Are. You?" He says slowly, glaring daggers at Cowboy.

Cowboy rolls his eyes and smiles smugly, "I'm her fucking boyfriend."

Darby nearly doubles over with laughter and my heart breaks a little for Cowboy.

Ok, it breaks a lot.

_Please be nice, Darby. _I silently beg inside my mind, _Please be nice. Leave him with some dignity. He's sweet, and caring, and he likes me. Just please, for the love of God, don't break him down. _

"Listen up, _son_," Darby chides him, and I squeeze my eyes shut tight. Maybe if I close them tight enough, I won't have to hear the onslaught of heartbreak Darby is about to dish out. "You may have been a flavour of the week for Isabella, here, but you'll never be her boyfriend. Don't kid yourself." He sits himself down beside me again and throws an arm across my shoulders, "Isabella will always be _my _girl. So, why don't you go put your clothes on and take off, huh? The grownups would like some alone time."

This would be a great time to jump in, Bella. Come on, girl, say something!

But, of course, I don't. I fall silent and stare at my bandaged feet. I can feel Cowboy's eyes on me, begging me to look up at him. I do, for only a moment, and I hope that the look in my eyes conveys the pain and confusion and sorrow that's filling my mind right now. He doesn't look consoled in the least as he snarls and walks in silence into my room, throwing things around as he gets dressed. He storms back through the living, throwing his jacket on as he goes.

"Jasper," I whisper his name through the silence, my voice barely an octave above a mouse's squeak. He turns to look at me and I see both murderous rage, and torturous agony in his baby blues. I open my mouth to say something further, but nothing comes out. I can't think of any words to say to him, and he turns his back on me once more. He pulls the door open, and without another glance my way, says to me in the most vicious voice I'd ever heard, "Give me a call, Bella, when your little junkie here decides to leave your fucking ass again. Maybe I'll answer." He slams the door behind him and I'm left in the embrace of my former love, trying to fight back the tears of the loss of my newfound solace.

JPOV

I begged her to say something. My eyes pleaded with her to stand up for me. Just some inkling to let me know that she wasn't gonna let this fuck walk back into her life and ruin what we had just found. But she said fucking nothing. She couldn't bring herself to do it, which just proved that prick right. She was never mine, would never be mine. She still loved him, and I was just a fling. Fine. Whatever. If that's the way she wanted it, she could fucking have him. Fucking psychopaths deserve each other.

I walk as quickly as I can to the corner of the street and hail myself a cab. All I wanted to do was get home, get showered, and find myself a nice piece of ass to cuddle up with after my show that night.

Maybe I'll call Jessica.

I hop out of the cab in the parking lot of my apartment and nearly run up the stairs. I'm just so worked up, I need to calm myself down, get rid of all this pent up anger before I explode.

I make my way into my apartment, throw off my clothes, and opt against burning them, though it would have been nice to rid myself of her fucking smell, because god damn, did she smell good.

_Stop. Right. There._

Right, ok, shower.

I'm in and out in ten minutes. Lingering any longer would have made me recall the last time I'd used my own shower, and that would have led to thoughts of Bella, which I didn't need at all.

I'm getting dressed and my phone rings. I catch myself almost running to it, hoping it's her, and internally scold myself for it. I answer, and it's Rosalie.

"Hey Jas, we need to be at the Masque tonight by eight o'clock to start setting up. You want me to pick you up, or is Bella going to be driving?"

I heave an involuntary sigh into the phone, and kick myself for it afterwards, "No, Rose, Bella won't be driving. If you could come get me..?"

"Why won't Bella be driving, Jasper?"

"Because she's not coming, Rosalie."

"WHY isn't she coming? Don't fuck around with me, I can hear something's wrong."

"We kind of had a difference of opinion regarding what was going on between us, Rose. It's no big deal."

"What kind of difference of opinion?"

"Well, I thought we were together. She thought different as soon as her ex boyfriend walked through the door this morning."

"I'll fucking kill her, Jas. Say the words and I'll kill her."

"It's fine Rose. Just leave it alone, I'm all good."

"Yeah, sure you are. Sit tight, I'll be there in ten minutes."

"No, Rose-" and there's the dial tone in my ear. Fuck. I really dont't feel like dealing with Rosalie.

Sure enough though, ten minutes later, my doorbell rings and Rose is storming through my front door without so much as a hello. I make a mental note to talk to my landlord again about getting that fucking lock fixed.

Her jacket barely has enough time to leave her shoulders and hit the couch, and she is on her knees in front of my coffee table setting up lines.

"There's a bottle of Jack in my purse."

Ah, good ol' Rose. I can always count on her.

We both sit on the floor in complete silence for a while doing lines. I'm sipping from the bottle of Jack and Rose is drinking from the bottle of wine she had also managed to fit in her purse somehow.

"You ok?" she finally asks after a while.

"I'm good, Rose."

"And that's the answer that you give the boys. Now I'd like the truth, please. You like her, don't you?"

She's too damn good. I hate her.

"Yeah, I do, Rose. I don't fucking know, darlin'. I know it's only been like five or six days or somethin', but fuck, did that little girl get to me."

"What are ya gonna do, sweetheart?"

I shrug and sniff another line, "I'm gonna finish of this here blow, have another few shots of Jack, sing my fucking heart out at the show tonight, and end the night balls deep in some groupie bitch."

Rose lets out a loud, ringing laugh and claps my shoulder, "now, there's the Jasper I know and love!"

"You know what they say, the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else," I smirk at her, and bend down to the table, starting off the beginning stages of my plan.

By the time Rose and I got to the Masque, the kids were already lining up outside, and we were both already sufficiently flying.

I didn't want to deal with explaining to Edward and Alice what had happened, so Rose went ahead backstage to let them know not to bring it up, while I began to set up her drum kit.

By eight-thirty, we were fully set up and people started pouring in. I scanned the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of purple hair, but of course, I didn't. I knew I shouldn't have been getting my hopes up about her showing up, because I knew she wouldn't, but I couldn't help myself.

While searching the bar for Bella, my eyes land on a tight, round ass that I am very familiar with.

I saunter over, and sling my arm around Jessica's shoulders.

"Hey there, darlin'," I drawl in her ear, "you're lookin' mighty fine tonight."

Lauren, who Jessica had been talking to, gives her a wide eyed glare and turns on her heel, making her way, as fast as she could, to the bar.

"Oh. Um, hi.. Jasper," Jessica nearly whimpers, and I can see her trying to subtly look around in fear.

"Don't you worry, darlin', she ain't here. Me and Miss Swan have decided to call it quits. She ain't really what I was," I lick my lips and look Jessica up and down, settling finally on her face, looking out at her from under half closed lids, "lookin' for. Ya know what I mean?"

She visibly relaxes in my arms, "aww, well, that's too bad. For her."

"Mm hmm, but it's mighty good for you, ain't it?"

"Yes, it is," she purrs.

"Jasper, let's fucking go!" Rose yells from the tiny backstage area.

"Looks like I gotta be goin', peach, but I'll see ya backstage after the show, yeah?"

"Yeah, Jasper, I'll be there."

"Good girl." I kiss her cheek, and give her ass a quick slap and run backstage.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Rosalie hisses at me when I'm within earshot.

"Exactly what I said I was gonna do, Rose."

"But with Jessica, Jasper? Really? You're gonna hook up with the chick that Bella tried to kill last week over you?"

I shrug and walk passed her, to the table where Edward is setting up lines. "Payback's a bitch," I call over my shoulder.

Rose shakes her head and follows me to the table, "you're gonna get that poor girl killed."

We finish our lines and head on stage. As usual, Jessica is right up front, hanging on my every word. Despite the fact that I desperately tried not to look for her, I couldn't help but notice that Bella was not there.

We play an amazing set. The crowd is going nuts by the time we walk off stage, and I'm walking on air. The energy you get from a crowd of cheering, adoring fans, is a high like no other.

We head backstage and immediately took our seats around the table, like usual. We know the drill, and if we are not at the table within five minutes of our last song, Rosalie will do all the blow herself.

Fresh lines are laid out in front of each of us, and we all bend over the table in unison.

"Thanks, Rose." We say together, and then each of us is up, and looking for our own little piece of action. Mine comes in the tight little form of Jessica Stanley, who is standing by the door to the front room, leaning against the frame and waiting for me. I swipe my bottle of Jack from the table, and stand.

"Hey, gorgeous," I smile as I walk to her, slipping my hand into hers.

"Hey yourself." she's trying to act a lot cooler than she's actually feeling. I could tell from a mile away. But I let her get away with it. I want in her pants, after all.

Her little fingers curl around mine, and I pull her towards me.

"That was a great set, Jasper," she breathes. I smile and tap my cheek, motioning for her to give me a kiss. She obliges, obviously, and I offer her the bottle of Jack. She tilts her head back, and I pour a shot into her pretty little mouth. These pleasantries are taking far too long for my liking, when all I want is that pretty little mouth of hers wrapped around my dick, instead of the bottle, so without another word, I turn and pull her behind me to a little room just off the backstage, near the bathrooms. I flick on the dimming light and close the door behind us.

"You been missin' me, angel?" I ask as I set the bottle down on the lone little table in the room. I lean against a wall and look down at her from underneath my cowboy hat. She nods her head.

"Yeah? Well, why don't you come over here and show me just how much."

She bites her bottom lip and walks ever so fucking slowly over to me. She's trying to be sexy, but I just wanna get off and get out.

Her hands slide up my chest and lock around my neck. It's never fucking easy with these groupie bitches. I play into her little game for a little bit. If I don't, I figure I won't be getting what I want. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to me roughly. She squeals. I roll my eyes under the brim of my hat. She licks her lips and kisses me.

It's not Bella's kiss.

All I can think about it how much I just wish it was Bella. I push those thoughts into the back of my head and break the kiss with a little nip to her bottom lip. I kiss her neck, and up her jaw line and flick my tongue out against her earlobe.

"On your knees," I whisper into her ear.

She nips at my jaw and slides down to her knees. At least this time I didn't have to hear about the ground getting her pants dirty. Her hands make fast work of my belt and she pulls down my zipper with her teeth. This was one of her favourite little parlour tricks, but trust, it got old fast.

One tiny hand reaches inside my jeans and pulls out my semi-hard cock. Her cold hand makes me flinch momentarily, but the ice is replaced with sweet, soft warmth as she takes me into her mouth.

_Not Bella's mouth_

I let out a groan and lean my head back against the wall.

She works her mouth agonizingly slow, pulling me out with a pop and licking up my shaft before taking me into her mouth once more. Her hand works in tandem with her tongue and before long, I can't take the sluggish pace anymore. I grab the back of her pretty head and slam her down on my cock as far as she can go. She tries to pull away, but I hold her there, rocking my hips. I feel her gagging around me, but pay no attention until she slaps my hands away and pulls back, coughing and gasping for air.

"Jasper!" she cries, and scrunches up her eyebrows as she looks up at me from her position on the floor.

"Sorry darlin', got a little carried away," I lie.

She wipes away the involuntary tears at the corner of her eyes, caused by a very annoying gag-reflex.

_Bella doesn't have a gag reflex_

I shake the thought out of my head and brush my hand across Jessica's cheek, with a sweet smile plastered to my lips. She smiles up at me and goes back to work.

"Mmm, good girl." I purr. I know how much little girls with daddy complexes like to be told they're good girls. I'm right, of course, and the slight compliment causes her to come at me with renewed vigour.

I close my eyes and imagine it's Bella on her knees in front of me. I wind my fingers in her hair,

_Not Bella's hair_

which makes her automatically flinch, thinking I'm going to hold her down again, poor girl, but instead, I set her at a faster pace. She follows and soon I'm slightly bucking my hips off the wall.

"Yeah, that's it. Like that. Good girl. Mmm, very good girl."

I can feel myself about to come, but suddenly am taken out of my pre-orgasmic haze by the sound of a scuffle coming from backstage.

"He doesn't want to see you!" I hear Rose yell, but it's muffled.

"What's that?" Jessica stops and asks, looking up at me, getting up slightly.

"Did I tell you to stop? I don't fucking know what it is, and I don't really care. Get back down on your fucking knees."

Startled by my yelling, she pouts a little, but drops back down, and takes me in her mouth again.

"Get the fuck out of my way, Rosalie!" I hear another muffled voice. I can't be sure, but it sounds like..

Jessica stops again.

I glare down at her, "the next time you stop, Jessica, I'm going to bend you over the table and fuck you in the ass, you hear me?"

Her eyes go wide and she whimpers, but goes back to it. Only now, I'm sure it's out of fear rather than actual desire. Not that I care much either way. A blow job is a blow job is a blow job, am I right?

"Listen bitch,"

More of the fight floats to me, but I try to block it out. I'm just so damn close.

"I will knock you the fuck out before I let you get past me." Rosalie again.

"Then bring it the fuck on, because the only way I'm _not _getting through that door is if I'm knocked out."

No more words are spoken, but there are screams, and grunts and things breaking. Jessica looks up at me in fear, but I give her a glare that tells her my previous threat was not an empty one. I cup my hands over her ears, to block out the noise, and to keep her head in place, and buck my hips into her. Over and over, and oh god, I'm so fucking close.

_God, if you're listening, just let me cum before_

I don't even get a chance to finish my little selfish prayer, before what I'm praying for not to happen, happens.

A loud bang hits the door from the other side and it cracks at the hinges, flying open.

In steps a very angry looking Bella. Blood drips from her lip and her hair is all over the place and she's glaring murderous rage at poor Jessica, who, because of my hands holding her head in place, still has my cock in her mouth.

"Shit," I push Jessica away and quickly do up my pants. Jessica scrambles on the floor, trying to get to her feet, but doesn't have half a chance before Bella is on her, slamming a boot into her chest and holding her on the floor.

"Do you have a fucking death wish, little girl?" Bella growls, and I think she's really lost it this time.

"Bella, leave her the fuck alone." She points an angry finger at me and is panting so hard from rage that she can barely get the words out.

"You shut your fucking mouth." She turns back on Jessica, and I know I have to do something. I straighten my cowboy hat, and push Bella off of Jessica. Not very hard, but hard enough to move her away from the cowering girl, and to let her know I mean business.

"Jessica, get the fuck outta here," I shoot over my shoulder as I block her from Bella.

"Jessica, keep your skanky little ass exactly where it is."

Poor Jessica is still laying on the floor, eyes going from me to Bella and back again, unsure of what to do. If she stays, Bella will kill her, if she tries to run, Bella will kill her. She's stuck between a rock and a maniac with no place left to hide.

"Bella," I take a step towards her, "this has nothing to do with Jessica, you leave her the fuck alone. Go Jessica!"

She takes a step toward me, and suddenly, I feel the urge to back up, but I hold my ground. After all, she's just one little girl, right? Right?

"This has _everything_ to do with her. I fucking warned her. Was my previous death threat lost on her? I fucking told her you were _mine!_ Jessica," Bella turns on her as she was trying to make her escape, "don't you fucking MOVE!"

Jessica whimpers and makes a run for the door, I try to block Bella, but she catches me off guard and kicks me in the knee, sending me to the floor. She hurls herself at Jessica and catches her before she can take off. She throws her against the wall, and gets her favourite death grip on the unfortunate girl's throat.

"I warned you. I told you not to come near him again, didn't I? And what happens? I catch you on your fucking knees with his dick in your mouth. Are you crazy? I will kill you, Stanley. Jasper's pretty words can't save you this time. This time, you're fucking mine."

Bella pulls her arm back and in the small light from the room, I catch a tiny glint of her brass knuckles, curled tightly around her closed fist.

"Fuck," I breath and pull myself to my feet. My knee is tender, but I can walk on it. She, thankfully, didn't kick me as hard as she could. Those steal toed boots would have shattered my knee cap if she had.

I run to the two of them, and slam my full weight into Bella, effectively pushing her off Jessica, and shoving her into the wall. Jessica makes a break for it, and I manage to wrestle Bella's arms above her head. I slam the back of her closed fist into the wall five times before she finally drops the brass knuckles.

She growls and pants and strains against my grasp, but fortunately I am a guy, and I am a lot bigger than her, so no matter how tough she is, she can't get out of my grip.

"Let me go!" she screams in my face, and more blood drips down her cracked lip. I guess Rosalie got at least a few good shots in before Bella knocked her the fuck out.

"Calm the fuck down you crazy bitch and I'll think about it."

"What did you call me?" Ladies and gentlemen, Bella's sanity has left the building. She struggled against my weight harder, but still to no avail.

"I call 'em like I see 'em, darlin'."

"I'll fucking kill you, Jasper. I'll kill you and your little groupie whore."

"ENOUGH!" I scream, and punch the wall beside her head. She flinches. I'd never seen Bella Swan flinch before, but then again, she'd never seen me angry. "Now, either you're going to calm the fuck down, Isabella, or we're going to have a problem on our hands. I'm done putting up with your fucking insanity."

"Fine," she growls between clenched teeth, "I'll calm down. Just get your fucking hands off of me."

I hold her against the wall for another minute, but finally let her go, not before bending down to pick up her brass knuckles, however. I may be a junkie, but I ain't fucking dumb.

We stare at each other for a long time, neither of us saying a word, neither moving. Like one of them Mexican standoffs, or whatever they call 'em on the TV shows. I don't know what to say, and I'm sure she's raging far too hard to even form a coherent thought.

I close my eyes for a moment, to clear my thoughts, and completely out of nowhere, as I reopen them, I find it's just in time to see Bella's open hand coming at me. I don't have enough time to duck, and she slaps me right across the face.

My ear is ringing and my face is burning and I have to keep myself from kicking the shit out of her right there.

"You fucking bastard!" She yells, "how the fuck could you?"

Her hand comes up again, but this time I catch it before it hits it's mark.

"Have you completely lost your fucking mind?" I scream in disbelief. "Were you there this morning when your exfuckingboyfriend showed up? Did you completely check out when he told me to leave and you didn't say a damn word?"

And now, she goes silent. Her hand drops back to her side and she inspects the floor.

"Yeah, that's what I fucking thought. So don't you dare come in here, guns a' blazin' and judgements flyin'"

"It's not like that, Cowboy," she starts, but I cut her off.

"The name is fucking Jasper. You lost your cowboy when you let me walk out your door this morning."

She heaves a sigh. "I'm sorry,"

"You know what, Bella, you fucking should be. So take your fucking brass knuckles, and just go. I've officially gotten off this roller coaster." I threw the weapon on the ground at her feet and turned my back on her, searching for my bottle of Jack. I find it, and take a long swig. The fiery liquid sears my throat and it's all I can do to keep myself from coughing in front of her. No weakness, no mercy.

"You know what?" She says with a scoff, and I turn towards her again, "Fuck. You." She over emotes the words, as if I was deaf and had to read her lips to get her point.

"Fuck me?" I ask, pointing to myself and looking over my shoulder to be sure she wasn't talking to someone else in the room. "Did you just say fuck me?"

"Yes, _Jasper_" she mocks, "I said fuck you. I came here tonight to try and make nice. I wanted to apologize and finally be fucking straight with SOMEONE, for once in my life. I came here to give you the whole story, to tell you everything. I came here to try and make things right. But what do I find when I get here? I find your first class cunt of a drummer barricading a door and threatening me. I find you, behind said door, with your dick stuck in some bitch's mouth. I find you with the same fucking girl I nearly killed _last week_, because of you. So fuck you. Don't you fucking act like all this shit is on me."

"Bella, you fucking nutcase. You beat up my drummer _and friend_, you, once again, nearly killed Jessica Stanley, and you fucking hit me! TWICE!"

"Oh, suck it up."

"Excuse me?" I can never seem to believe what ends up coming from this kitten's mouth.

"I said suck it up. So I fucking hit you, so what? Grow up."

"Grow up? Are you serious? Do you even hear anything you're saying? You broke my fucking heart!" I further my point by slamming my fist down on the table, making the legs give and sending the cheap wood splintering to the floor, "and I'm supposed to what? Suck it up? Fine. I will. See ya." I walk towards the door, but she jumps in front of me, and places a hand on my chest.

"Wait. Please?"

_Get your fucking hand off my chest_

_Please don't stop touching me_

I sigh and hang my head. "What now, Bella? Don't you think you've fucked around with me enough? Can't you just take your win and let me go?"

"My win?"

"Yes, your fucking win. You got to sleep with the hot blue-eyed singer that every girl in the bar would die for, and then, when the singer fall for you, you get to have your ex boyfriend ride back into your life on his horse built of heroin and drop the poor singer like you had planned to originally. No harm, no foul, right? See, you win."

"Is that what you think this was about? You think this was some sort of fucking game to me?" She slaps my chest to annunciate her point.

"Wasn't it?"

She hits my chest again, "not anymore, you fucking idiot. You think I would have let you sleep at my house that first night? You think I would have kept you around for a week? You think I would have followed you to that hellhole you call a jam space and play nice with your fucking little band mates if this was a fucking game to me? I like you, you moron. God help me for it, but I fucking like you." She grabs the bottle from my hand and takes a sip "I came here to tell you how I felt. I came to tell you that I told Darby he couldn't stay." She huffs a resigned sigh and hands me back the bottle.

I take the bottle from her before her words register with my brain, "Wait. You what?"

"Give me a smoke, please," she whispers, and I hand her a cigarette from the inside pocket of my jacket. I light it for her and watch as her lips curl around the butt. She inhales deeply and exhales as she starts to talk. "I told him he couldn't stay. Why do you think I'm here? I told him he wasn't welcome here anymore, that he lost me as his girl two years ago when he walked out on me. I told him that he wasn't welcome in my home or my town or my heart again. I told him I was your girl now."

"Oh." Was all I could muster.

"Yeah. Oh." her words are laced with venom, no doubt thinking back to the moment she caught me with my pants down.. So to speak.

"How did he take it?"

She laughs, "not well. There's a hole in my wall and a bruise on my cheek to accentuate just how not well he took it."

"He hit you?" My anger spikes.

"Down boy, I hit him first." She laughs.

"Can I ask why you hit him first?" I don't know why I felt the need to know that right then, but I can't think of anything else to say.

"He called me a whore and told me that you'd leave me for the junk, just like he did. That everyone will, eventually." She shrugs, like those words didn't sting. I knew they did, but she's a tiger, my girl.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm hurt," she looks at me pointedly, "and I don't think I'll ever get the image of Jessica on her knees with her face in your crotch out of my head, but I'll survive. I always do."

I hang my head again and search for something to say to comfort her, but nothing comes, except, "now what?"

"Now?" She shrugs, "now, I either go home, shoot myself up and forget you ever existed, or you kiss me and tell me everything's going to be alright." She lifts her gaze to mine and I melt. I am putty in her hands. I am her marionette to do with as she pleases.

So I kiss her. I kiss her like it's the first time we met. I kiss her like I'm afraid I'll never see her again. I kiss her like she's the only woman in the whole world. I kiss her and show her I'll never let her go. I kiss her and tell her everything is going to be alright.

**AN: Ok, so once again, I'm SO sorry it took seven months to get this thing out, but I hope you enjoyed it. **

**I WILL be doing the next chapter in BPOV to show what went down between her and Darby during his little visit, so fear not, my darlings.**

**As said in my update sent out yesterday, I will be moving both of my stories to a new account by the end of the week. Author Alert ****http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2538672/JoannaJaguar**** if you want to be able to continue to get updates on these stories, as once I take them down from this account, all your alerts will be gone. I'll be sending messages to all of you who have favorited this story, just to remind you, so if you forget to add my new account now, don't you worry about it, I've got your backs ****J**

**Love you all madly. Please enjoy, and if the feeling moves you, leave a nice review ****J**

**Oh, this chapter was written almost entirely to Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced, Memories Remain, and Never Alone, all songs by the Dropkick Murphys. Sorry, no links this time, I'm still working out all the kinks in my new laptop.**


	9. Chapter 8

And then he kissed me.

_He kissed me in a way that I've never been kissed before._

_He kissed me in a way that I want to be kissed forever more._

And then he kissed me.

_I felt so happy, I almost cried,_

And then he kissed me.

That song by The Crystals rang through my mind, and I had to momentarily keep the vomit from rising into my throat at the thought of how utterly girly and clichéd I was being.

Good job, Bella. Way to be the tough girl, singing fucking cheesy, romantic

doo-wop songs in your head. Yeah, you're _real _fucking tough, aren't you? Why don't we get you some nice wine to go with that fucking cheese. Pussy.

But, as I've already said, and then he fucking kissed me. And I melted, The Crystals be damned.

So yes, I'm a girl, with actual fucking emotions, believe it or not, fucking shoot me.

Please?

After everything that had happened, everything I did to him and he did to me, still, he fucking kissed me. And in that one kiss, I felt everything we both had wanted to say but were unable to. I told him how sorry I was about the whole episode that morning with Darby, and he told me that he only tried to hook up with Jessica because he was hurt and wanted to hurt me back. I told him that I was scared about whatever this was we had going on, but I was willing to try, if he would be patient with me, and He told me he would be. I told him I never wanted him to let me go, even if it scared the shit out of me, and he told me he never would. I told him that I wanted to go home and shoot up more than anything in the world.

Yeah, yeah, I may be a girl and I may have emotions, but I'm still a fucking junkie.

He broke the kiss.

"You wanna go home?" He asks, as if he could read my mind, or my kiss, as it were.

"Cowboy, you read my mind," I smile at him and clasp my hand in his.

"We're going to have to do some major damage control with Rosalie, Bella. She's gonna be out for blood."

"What do you expect me to do, Cowboy, apologize to her from standing in between me and my man, while he was getting his dick sucked by another chick? I don't fucking think so." Cowboy groaned at that little jab, and I bit back a smile. I'm woman enough to admit I did it on purpose. He's gonna be paying for that shit for a long, long mother fucking time.

"Unnecessary, darlin'" He frowns at me and I shrug.

"Well, really, what do you expect me to say? I was just trying to find you, to let you in on my newfound revelation, like in one of those cheesy-ass romance novels, and Amazonia comes out of fucking nowhere and clocks me. Was I supposed to run away with my tail between my legs? I deserve an apology, if anyone does."

"I highly doubt you're completely blameless in all of this, Isabella."

"Stop calling me that, will you? Fucking Darby piece of shit and his 'Isabella'. The next time you call me that, I'm going back to calling you _Jasper_." I mock, once again.

He laughs and shakes his head, squeezing my hand, "That's my name, darlin'".

"Whatever," I scowl. "Fine, I'll apologize to the giant, but you fucking owe me big time. Understand?"

"Completely," he smirks and winks at me.

"Yeah, and I don't mean the fun kind of owe me, either." I stick my tongue out at him, then catch myself and scowl for acting like a fucking infant, and lead him out of the room to where Rosalie was.

We walk into the main backstage room, and Rose is sitting on the couch, with an icepack on her cheek, and an evil fucking glare on her face. She looks up at us and nearly drops the ice pack from shock.

"You've GOT to be fucking kidding me!" She growls, staring at us wide-eyed and open-mouthed."

"Rosalie-" I start, but am cut off immediately.

"This bitch knocks me clean out, Jasper, busts my fucking face, and you're getting all cutesy with her again? Tell me I'm in a coma and am having a fucking nightmare."

"I'm not the only fucking one who was all fists-a-flying, you crazy whore!"

Rose stands up and actually does drop the ice pack this time.

Good move, Bella. Mouth, please, meet brain-filter. Please.

"You wanna give it another go, groupie?"

"I'm NOT a fucking gr-" Jasper squeezes my hand again, and I'm silenced mid-word. I take a deep, calming breath and tried again, "No, Rosalie, I don't want to give it another go. I came out here to apologize to you."

Rosalie scoffs, which pisses me the fuck off, so I continue, once again minus that damned brain-filter. I swear there has to be one around here somewhere, right? Fucking mouth.

"I came out here to apologize to you, after _having_ to knock your fucking ass out, for trying to stop me from getting to Cowboy, while he was busy getting a blowjob from an actual groupie. If you would have just let me through, I wouldn't have had to hit you. So, I'm sorry that that you're a stupid fucking cunt who doesn't know her place."

"Oh Bella," I hear Cowboy whisper beside me, and he drops my hand to bring his up to his face.

"I don't know _my _place?" Rosalie rages at me, and I have to hold back a smirk. "Shouldn't you have hopped in some other rock star's bed by now, Bella. Isn't that _your _place?"

But I wasn't biting. Not this time. "Oh, just go bury your cheap, store bought nose in another pile of blow, and stay out of my life, Rose."

Beside me, I hear Cowboy growl and huff and sigh and I know I've fucked up a little. When he tosses me a murderous scowl, I know I'm going to pay.

Fuck.

"What Isabella is trying to say, Rosalie," Cowboy starts in, pushing me out of the way and behind him, "Is that she's very sorry about everything that happened, but she was just upset and was very worried that I wouldn't forgive her, _which I have_," he over inflects, glaring Rosalie down, "And as a peace offering, she'd like to invite you to an after party at her house. All the booze and drugs you can ingest."

"She would?"

"I would?" Rosalie and I ask incredulously, at the exact same time. Cowboy ignores her and stares at me, giving me that _just-please-for-once-do-what-I-say-and-fucking-agree_ look.

So I sigh, and for once, do what he says and fucking agree "I mean, yeah, I would."

So much for just being able to go home with my man and nod the fuck out.

Rose smirks devilishly at me, and grabs her coat and her drugs, and heads out of the room. "I'll see you guys there," she sing-songs at us and nearly skips the rest of the way through the place.

I turn and glare at Cowboy, who is definitely going to fucking die tonight.

"I owe you pain, Whitlock. Lots and lots of mother fucking pain." I turn and stomp out of the room.

"You wanna talk pain, _Swan_?" he smirks and calls after me, and I'm about to bite his face off, "try listenin' to you hum that fuckin' sappy-ass song by the Crystals, without laughing, while I'm trying to be all romantic-like with my kiss."

This little revelation stops me dead in my fucking tracks.

Please, Lord. Please, Allah. Please, Buddha. Please whoeverthefuck is up there, please just tell me I didn't actually do that.

"Oh yeah, peach, you did. _I felt so happy, I almost cried, and then he kissed me," _he mock sang in a girlish voice.

My insides are laughing, crying and fucking seething all at once.

I can't lift my head to meet his gaze, though I know he was staring at me with that fucking grin of his. If I looked at him right then, I would have actually bit his face off. No contest.

I can hear him stifling his giggles though, and I bite the inside of my cheek.

"Cowboy, if so much as one tiny, little chuckle escapes those lips of yours, be warned, I will have no qualms about biting your entire fucking face off."

He bites his bottom lip and just smirks at me.

"And if you tell _anybody.._"

"Oh, don't you worry about that, peach. That little tidbit of info is all mine." He winks and still bites back his giggles.

At least he was kind of smart.

Sometimes.

Now, however, not only was I supremely irate at having to have an after party, with _Rosalie_, nonetheless, but also extremely fucking mortified. I so desperately wished for something, anything, to put me out of my damn misery.

"Aww, don't worry, darlin'", Cowboy slithers over to me and puts his arm around my shoulder, "I thought it was cute."

"You really think the best way to get back in my good books is to go with 'cute', Cowboy? That's the word you're gonna choose here?"

"Oh hush now," he kisses the top of my head and leads me out to the parking lot, or what passed for a parking lot, anyway, in this shithole little dive, "stop actin' so big, you're just a regular girl under all them tough words. There ain't nothing to be ashamed of."

"We'll see how much of a regular girl I am when I cut your fucking balls off and feed them to you," I whisper under my breath, but of course, stupid Cowboy hears all.

"I just so happen to know that you like my balls exactly where they are, so give it up and get in the fuckin' car, would ya?" He winks, and opens the driver's side door of the car I had borrowed from Exene, while my Betty was in the shop.

"I fucking hate you," I pout-grumble as I slid in and started the car.

"Yeah, sure you do, peach. Drive."

I clench the steering wheel tight and fight the urge to crash yet another car and kill the two of us at the same time.

Stupid fucking Cowboy and his stupid fucking smirks.

Cowboy slides his hand over the back of my head rest and plays with the loose hair at the nape of my neck. "Stop pouting, darlin', it don't matter to me if you want to hum cheesy songs while we're kissing. I still love ya, anyway."

That time, I nearly did crash the car.

Without thinking, I slammed my foot down on the break pedal. The poor engine spluttered and whined and lurched with the force. The gears crunched as they tried to keep up with the drastic shift in movement, and the tires keened and squealed the most ungodly sound I had ever heard. Jasper and I were both pitched forward with the force of the split-second stop, he into the dash board, and I into the steering wheel. Thank whoeverthefuck that Exene's seatbelts worked a hell of a lot better than mine did, otherwise, we both would have been dealt some serious damage.

Also, thank whoeverthefuck, that no one was behind me. I hadn't realized that we were in the middle of Sunset, the busiest strip in LA.

"Bella, what the f-"

"What did you say?" I turn my head to him slowly, panting and desperately trying not to hyperventilate.

"I said that you could hum any song you wanted, I would still lo-"

"Don't. Don't say it again."

"Bella, peach?" he tries to soothe me again, by rubbing the back of my neck.

And that was the exact moment that I cracked.

The flood gates opened, and my body; my entire being, was wracked with the most gut-wrenching, soul-breaking, heart-shattering, uncontrollable sobs. I struggled to breath, but found I couldn't. I fought to regain control of myself, but there was no control left to be found. I leaned my head on the steering wheel and succumbed to the sobs that had been hiding below my hard surface ever since the day, two years ago, that Darby had first walked out on me. I cried for ever having him, I cried for losing him, I cried for making him leave. I cried for Cowboy. For what he was, and what I'd done to him, and what I'd probably keep doing to him, because that was me. I was a fuck up. I cried for being a fuck up. I cried for all the drugs and all the overdoses, and all the friends I'd lost and for those who'd lost me. I cried for losing myself. And I cried because I'd probably lose Jasper too. Mostly though, I cried because this fucked up creature beside me, had, after everything, still been able to love me, but I'd never be able to return that love, because as fucked up as he was, I was a broken and beaten shell of a human being. I cried also, because that sucked. It sucked that I couldn't love him the way he loved me, and it sucked that I had allowed myself to become so broken. I hated being so jaded and cynical, so I fucking cried for that shit too.

And when I found that I had nothing left in me to cry for, I did what I always did. I sucked it up, wiped the tears away, pushed my hair out of my face, shifted gears, and drove on. 'Cause it don't mean nothin'.

Cowboy, however, didn't seem to have recovered as well as I had.

He was staring at me wide-eyed and open mouthed, in what I can only describe as complete and utter terror.

"Pull over, please?" He manages to croak out.

"No." I state simply and drive on.

"Bella, pull the fuckin' car over."

"We're almost home, Cowboy."

"PULL THE FUCKIN' CAR OVER!"

I jump nearly out of my seat at his outburst, but sigh and oblige, pulling over into the nearest parking lot, and behind some sort of office building, out of view of the Strip. If he was gonna scream, I didn't need every car on the street to hear him.

"Jesus, Cowboy, calm the fuck down."

"Me?" He laughs, incredulous. "I should calm down? You just had a nervous fuckin' breakdown in the middle of the street, but I'm the one that should calm down? Honestly Bella, are you insane? Like, even just a little? You can tell me. Because that, back there, was some scary fuckin' shit."

"I'm fine, Cowboy".

He get out of the car and slams the door hard behind him. Though the windows were closed and I was still inside the car, I could still hear his rampaging screams."

"You're fine?" He takes off his signature cowboy hat and runs a hand through his hair, "You're FINE?" He tugs at his loose locks.

Uh oh.

"You're not FINE, Bella! NOTHING ABOUT THAT WAS FINE!"

I slowly and quietly get out of the car, and walk around to his side, "Cowboy, please get back in the car."

"No, Bella." He whispers again. I hate it when he whispers. "Not until you tell me what the fuck that was all about. Just," he sighs, and I can see he's losing the urge to fight. His shoulders slump and his head falls slightly, and I can see I've really done a number on this poor guy. Good going Bella. "Just, talk to me." His voice is pleading now, and it cuts me to my core, and I know, in that instant, that he's just as broken as I am.

But what kills me, is that I'm the one that's broken him.

And that's not fair.

So I sigh, and I suck it up, and I slide onto the hood of Exene's car, stretching my legs across the hood, and laying my head on the window, arms crossed under my neck.

"It was just a tiny, little nervous break down, that was a long time coming, Cowboy, that's all." I smile, trying to be reassuring. "Believe it or not, buried deep down inside this gorgeous body of mine," I sweep a hand down my body, and laugh, "are actual human emotions. Sometimes, they manage to work their way to the surface. It doesn't happen often," I laugh again, "but when it does, it's a tidal wave."

He jumps up on the car and lays down beside me. Mimicking my pose, he lays his head on his arms, but turns his face towards mine.

"I'm sorry," I say, "It was wrong of me to ever drag you into this fucked up hell of a life."

"Bella, stop,"

"No, Cowboy, it's the truth. I'm not good. Don't you get that? I'm fucked up. I'm broken beyond repair. Nothing will ever be able to fix me. I'll never be a normal girlfriend. I'll never be a wife, or a mother." I laugh, but it's venomous, "Hell, I'll be lucky if I manage to keep myself alive another couple of years."

"Don't say that," he whispers again. This time, I know he's whispering, not because he's defeated, but because he sees the truth in my words.

"Why not? You wanted honesty, right? I'm giving you honesty. Jesus, I'm lucky to be alive as it is, Cowboy. So, maybe," I turn my head away from him, I can't look at him and say what I'm about to. I've already caused too much pain, I can't stand to see anymore. "I don't know, maybe-"

And then his hands are on my face and he's turning me towards him.

"Shut the fuck up," he rumbles, from deep down in his chest, and he's kissing me. But this time, he's not sweet like he was at the Masque. This time he's forceful, and overpowering. The loving, calming, forgiving kiss is gone, and is replaced with an urgent, burning _need._

"Stop…trying to…push me away…" he manages to grunt out between my lips, crushing himself to me. His hands are pawing at my face, my hair, my shoulders, my hips.

"Cowboy!" I squeak out, breathless, but I'm too caught up in the moment to do anything but go with it.

He rolls himself on top of me, nudging my legs apart with his knees. He breaks the kiss, and plants his hands on either side of my head, holding himself up and hovering over me. He's panting, and growling, and I've never seen his eyes so fucking dark before. "I'm not going anywhere, ya hear me?" His voice is deep and rumbling, and so fucking animalistic.

And I'm lost.

Lost in his eyes. Lost in his voice. Lost in his need. Lost in his fucking love.

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him back to me without another word. He tangles one hand in my hair, and the other slides down my side, over my hip and to the hem of my skirt, successfully managing to slide the tight fucking thing over my ass and up to my waist. His hand shoots back down between my legs and I moan and arch my back. He's pulling at my fishnets and I hear the audible _rrriiiip_ as he tears them free, and then he's growling and pushing my underwear out of the way, and his fingers are inside me. I gasp and he chuckles, and I'm raising my hips to him, while he pulls on my hair and bites my bottom lip.

His hand leaves my body and I whimper, but then I hear his zipper, and know there's no time for foreplay tonight. Too much want and need and _musthaverightfuckingnow._

My hands are frantic as I'm grabbing for him, and pushing his jeans down, pulling his shirt up, just wanting the weight of his body back on me. There's a split second pause and then he's inside me and we're both gasping and panting and groaning like fucking teenagers. Or, Fucking teenagers.

He's pulling out and thrusting back in and I'm meeting him with my hips, and my lips and I'm screaming out to whoeverthefuck is up there that holy fuck this feels _so good._

I'm trying not to think of poor Exene's car, as I feel the hood dent beneath me, and truth be told, it wasn't all that hard to just not think about it.

Cowboy's hands are in my hair again, and he's biting at my neck, and I'm just so fucking close to coming, but I don't want this to ever fucking stop.

His hands slide down my body and he's grabbing at my hips and his fingers are digging in, and his in and out and in and out is turning into inoutinoutinout, and I hear the sound of skin slapping skin. My moans are getting louder with each thrust, and I just don't care, and Cowboy slaps a hand over my mouth to keep me quiet, and oh my, that's so fucking hot.

He's biting at my neck again, and I wrap my legs around his wait, and _oh fuck me_, _that's the spot right there. _

And he knows me just so fucking well, because he's speeding up and slowing down exactly right, and he's chuckling and whispering into my ear "right there, peach?"

I moan my assent and close my eyes and bite my lip. He leans up off me, but doesn't slow down, and slides a hand down between us. He pinches my clit and tells me to "Come for your Cowboy, angel," and fuck me, because I do. And it's so hard and so intense, and I'm seeing stars behind my eyelids, and then he's coming too.

I wrap my arms around his neck, and pull his body flush with mine. He buries his face in the crook of my neck, and he's panting and grunting, while I'm whimpering, and we're both riding out our orgasms, and I think if I die right now, I'd be a happy fucking girl.

We both catch our breath, and he slides off of me and out of me and he's doing up his pants, while I attempt to pull down my skirt and the mother fucker is chuckling, but I can't help it, so I smile too, and slide off the car.

"You ripped my fishnets," I say with a mock pout, taking my boots off, to slip out of the now useless tights.

"They were in the way," he says with a shrug and a smirk and a smack to my ass.

"Hey, you think we'll ever actually make it to a bed, like a normal fucking couple?" Or, a normal Fucking couple.

"Who needs a bed, peach? And since when are we normal?"

He opens the door for me, and I slide in and start the car up, waiting for him.

"Yeah, you're right about that one, Cowboy," I say with a smile.

He gets in the car and suddenly he's serious, and I'm scowling, because I hate serious shit. "I meant what I said, Bella. Don't try to push me away again. It's gettin' annoyin' and it pisses me off, because I know as well as you do that I'm not goin' anywhere, and you don't want me to anyway. So drop the fuckin' shit, and this goddamn fuckin' act. Ya hear me?"

"Yeah, sure Cowboy," I whisper as I pull back onto the strip, but while we both know that I really don't want him to leave, we both also know that I'm not gonna drop it because I'm no good for him, and he's too good for me, and I don't want to see him hurt or dead like everyone else I come in contact with. But, for now, I drop it, because he's asked me to, and I'll do anything for him.

Whoeverthefuck is up there, help me.

**AN: Sooo… I said I would be doing this chapter in BPOV and showing what went down during the visit with Darby, buuuut… the chapter kind of took on a life of it's own, and didn't happen the way I planned. I WILL, eventually, get out a chapter dealing with the Bella and Darby issue, but I just felt, that right now in the story, it was more important to try and work through this drama with Cowboy, first.**

**Also…who doesn't like a good hood-of-the-car lemon?**

**This chapter was written to Then He Kissed Me, by the Crystals. After the last chapter, I just couldn't get that song out of my head. Www (dot) you tube (dot) com/watch?v=cE_jOD2Fxvs**

**And Drive On, by Johnny Cash. Www (dot) you tube (dot) com/watch?v=5CtEvMIImOc**

**Yes, I've got very eclectic music tastes. And to apk1980, my possible musical soul mate: These songs float yer boat too, Darlin'?**

**As always, reviews make my girly parts tingle. Leave me some love, bitches! ****J**** Love you all.**


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